School bureaucracy can be a real dick.
If my high school was anything to go by and students had a dime for every time they forgot to respond to official correspondence from their educators with the appropriate parental signature, we’d all have enough petty cash to put ourselves through college.
But one guy has jazzed up proceedings with a little penis prank for his classmates which will probably ensure they never skim read notices again.
According to one Reddit user, 16-year-old Raif who attends another high school in the Stamford Public Schools District, his friend disseminated a fake notice to staff and pupils alerting them to a so-called ‘mandatory penis inspection’.
The male members of the faculty, as per the not-entirely-accurate notice, were required to undergo inspections, which would be graded ‘pass or fail’ in accordance with ‘traditional methods’.
The small print on the prank notice reads:
Please ensure that all penises are clean and orderly, as there will be no special circumstances. Note that a failing grade will be given to any individual with an erection.
Faculty were directed to two suites in the school; one for those who are circumcised and another for those who are uncircumcised.
It says attendance was required from all male staff as well as students.
Failure to comply, according to the bright young mind who cited the totally made up ‘Health Code 9.51’, would result in student being unable to graduate.
After some digging on Reddit, UNILAD has tracked down the guy behind the dickspection to delve into the mind of this 16-year-old genius, whose name is Spencer.
Disclaimer: Spencer confirmed he did get suspended for two days by the school – the name of which he said he’d rather remained unpublished – so UNILAD cannot condone dick tomfoolery of any kind.
Stay in school, kids.
Spencer told UNILAD he was inspired by another 2014 prank he’d seen online. The conscientious young meme-maker credited the original with the wording, but said he added some of his own and the signatures as the icing on the cake.
Having originally sent the image to a private group chat, Spencer said the image just ‘exploded’.
It was rumbled by teachers yesterday, at which time an announcement ‘interrupted my physics class’ to tell the school an ‘inappropriate message’ which ‘doesn’t reflect the intentions of Stamford public schools’ was being circulated.
Spencer went straight to his vice principal to ‘fess up, he said, adding:
I found him in between classes and walked through the hall with him to his office. As I walked through the hall I got pats on my back and nods of good luck from almost every other kid we passed.
It felt awesome, to be honest.
After admitting his guilt and apologising via a statement to the school, Spencer was handed down his punishment for ‘disruption of the learning environment’.
I explained that I was sorry and my parents got the phone call that afternoon. #freespencer was trending around my school.
Here’s the full transcript:
Raif shared a photograph of the typed up letter, signed elaborately by a fictitious individual going by the name Richard L. Dong, ‘Head Penis Inspector’ and ‘Head of Genital Commissions, Mike Hawk’.
If you’re confused, say the name in a slow East coast drawl. You get it.
The Stamford Public Schools District has juris-dick-tion over 13 elementary schools, five middle schools and three high schools in Connecticut.
It is unclear in which of these schools the prankster’s young mind had been molded to shaft authority and pull off such a feat of creative writing, upon the student’s own request to protect his teachers.
In the sub-reddit r/Teenagers, Spencer claimed responsibility for this prank, which is next up on the list of things likely to be meme’d.
He has been dubbed a ‘local hero’. Others have praised him for the dong signature, which has been equated to a ‘power move’.
Actually, it turns out Spencer ripped it from a real signature, according to another Reddit sleuth, who found it belongs to the Minister of Economics in Greece, Evklidis Tsakalotos.
Concluding this tale, Raif told UNILAD:
I laughed my ass off. Then, when we got home from school that day, Spencer told me was suspended and I couldn’t have been laughing any harder.
It’s just one of these pranks that is so funny for whatever immature reason.
Anything to prevent this, I guess:
Many in the Reddit thread have requested copies of the letter for distribution in schools across the country to ensure all penises are ‘clean and orderly’.
Tag a mate to remind them to wash their genitals ready for dickspection.
If you have a prank you want to share, send it to UNILAD via [email protected]
A former emo kid who talks too much about 8Chan meme culture, the Kardashian Klan, and how her smartphone is probably killing her. Francesca is a Cardiff University Journalism Masters grad who has done words for BBC, ELLE, The Debrief, DAZED, an art magazine you’ve never heard of and a feminist zine which never went to print.