Guy Writes Ridiculous List Of Guidelines For His Girlfriend To Follow On Holiday

by : UNILAD on : 27 Jul 2017 17:51

This is the explosively unguarded tale of a couple from Nuneaton’s love, commitment issues, double standards, lust, jealousy and difficulty keeping it in their pants in Magaluf.

You may have seen the alarming and demanding list that 20-year-old Josh Utting sent to 18-year-old Lucy Talton before they parted ways on their respective holidays to exhausted Spanish islands.


On the surface, when the controlling list was posted online, everyone was quick to brand Josh a ‘psycho’,  because of course a bullet point list of rules is outrageous, especially when you’re not exclusive and are elusively ‘seeing each other’ (does anyone know what that actually means?).

Now, I’m a firm believer that there are two sides to every story, and I can confirm after hearing both sides, I wish I had never asked.

Josh and Lucy, who both seem like charming individuals, poured their wounded hearts out about their disappointment and regret at how their six months of seeing each other had soured.


Even Scotty T got involved…

Josh told UNILAD:

Well me and Lucy, let’s just say we’re sort of ‘seeing each other’ for a few months and the list was written purely just for a joke and none of it was actually meant to be taken seriously.

But when I sent it, she actually agreed to the things and said they seemed fair enough as long as I stuck to the same things when I was on holiday.

The majority of the things in there are what you’d expect someone you’re close to not even do anyway.

So I think the way people are saying I’m psycho etc is a bit extreme because I’m sure they wouldn’t want their boyfriend or girlfriend to do any of those things while on holiday either.


Sunday chills

A post shared by Josh Utting (@_joshutting_) on

When I later questioned him as to whether it was really a joke, Josh clarified:

It wasn’t fully sent as a joke – obviously I didn’t want her to get with other lads on holiday, I just made the rules sound extreme for a laugh.

The thing is, Lucy wasn’t Josh’s girlfriend – they were just seeing each other – but for whatever reason they agreed to be exclusive to each other over the holiday.

Instagram/Lucy Talton

As we have all learned from Sun, Sex, and Suspicious Parents, fidelity and the beer-soaked beaches of Maga (aka Shaga Maga) don’t really go hand in hand… And as it turns out, it was Josh who ignited a double standard and was unfaithful to his own rules.

Oh, and one of Josh’s ‘mates’ sent Lucy a video of him getting with someone else…

Supplied by Josh Utting - Screenshot from the Snapchat

Speaking to UNILAD, Lucy said:

We were seeing each other for about 5/6 months then stopped due to him sleeping with others girls while seeing me.

Then we were going to try again because he told me he was in love with me – he made the rules for us to both stick to while on holiday.

I stuck to them and he slept with four girls in a week and in his words: “If I didn’t pull I’d pull one of the girls from the night before.”


A post shared by Josh Utting (@_joshutting_) on

Understandably stung by Josh’s alleged ‘sleeping with other girls’, Lucy is categorically ‘never going back there’ and said Josh is still trying to ‘salvage’ the relationship.

Of course I asked Josh why he made a list for Lucy if he was going to get with other girls, to which he gave the flimsy explanation: 

I didn’t want her to get with other guys because we was [sic] supposed to be getting with each other after the holiday, but obviously when I’m drunk I forget these things and get with other girls.

So Josh regrets doing it, and I regret asking.

I imagine in a year when they’ve forgotten the other exists, they’ll look back and laugh at their 18-year-old romantic woes etched into the Twitter tablet of history.

Will they get back together? Won’t they? Find out on the next episode of Lied and Allege-udice

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