Keyboard Jeans And Nine Other Bizarre Inventions No One Asked For
Over the course of mankind’s history, we’ve seen some truly extraordinary inventions; developments that have helped make our lives easier while improving society as a whole.
For example, what would the world look like today if the printing press had never been been invented, thus preventing information and knowledge from spreading far and wide? And where would we be without penicillin, electricity, or general anaesthetic?
We have so many great minds to thank for so many mundane tasks that we take for granted every single day. For instance, being able to read this article right now via the tiny computer you keep in your pocket, perhaps while sat in front of the telly with your dinner spinning in the microwave.
But for every life-enhancing invention that takes your breath away with its sheer ingenuity, there is another, more unusual, type of invention.
Humanity is a rich and varied tapestry, and there’s never a bad time to celebrate some of those quirkier threads.
1. Goldfish Walker
Let’s kick things off with the Goldfish Walker, because I desperately need to get my head around this one. As the great Ani DiFranco once sang so mournfully, ‘They say goldfish have no memory, I guess their lives are much like mine. And the little plastic castle is a surprise every time.’
However, the Goldfish Walker appears to be based upon the notion that goldfish do in fact need a little more to life than a continually surprising fish tank ornament. Indeed, they need to get out and about, seeing what the neighbours are up to and gossiping with other aquarium inhabitants out on the stroll.
According to a 2007 Wired article, this walker was built by Mick Madden, a metal worker from Northern England who felt his goldfishes, Malcolm and Ethel, weren’t seeing enough of the world.
Madden commented at the time:
I was looking at my goldfish going round in circles in their bowl looking bored silly so I made this to take them out and about and they love it.
2. Vibrating Jeans
Please excuse my own filthy mind on this one, but I initially thought these daring denim pants were maybe the sort of thing you might wear in the privacy of your own bedroom rather than out and about on the streets.
However, it seems that these jeans, from smart clothing company Spinali Design, are actually intended to help you get your life in order rather than get your rocks off.
There are two vibrating sensors fastened to the belt, which the wearer can connect to their smartphone via Bluetooth. Users can get then get their bearings when walking about in unknown neighbourhoods, with buzzers on either side directing them when they need to make a turn.
3. Solar Panelled Bikini
Bringing a whole new meaning to ‘soaking up rays’ while at the beach, this unusual two piece – from Brooklyn-based designer Andrew Schneider – allows the wearer to charge up their phones and other small electronic devices. It’s also said to be perfectly safe to wear while taking a dip in the pool.
Sadly, the product page for this interesting piece of tech appears to have been taken down, and a quick Google search would suggest it would be tricky to get your hands on it nowadays. But still, certainly a useful idea, if a bit out there.
4. Privacy Scarf
Now, I’m a bit of an introvert and like to feel a sense of personal space when out and about in public.
However, I must say, I firmly draw the line at the Privacy Scarf, a rather sinister-looking cloth tube that connects your face to your device.
Apparently, this is supposed to protect your privacy when you’re working or using online banking etc. But I must be honest, I can’t imagine anything a normal person would do day-to-day that would warrant this degree of discretion…
5. Keyboard Jeans
Again, it would appear that there are some people who simply can’t look at a pair of jeans without wondering what other purposes they could be used for.
Enter the Keyboard Jeans, the most baffling pair of pants I’ve seen in a long time. The jeans connect to a computer via WiFi, allowing the user to move about while typing away.
And just in case you weren’t attracting enough raised eyebrows, a mouse is attached to the jeans with an elastic cord like a weird dangling belt.
6. The Lipstick Assistant
I’m by no means the most glamorous girl in the world, and I often struggle to avoid a lipstick smudge here and there on a night out.
But it will be a cold day in hell before I whip about this Hannibal Lector-esque mask in the ladies bathroom.
7. Head-Mounted Toilet Paper Dispenser
Now, we all can relate to the frustration of being unable to find a public loo with a working toilet roll dispenser, fishing about desperately in your bag for a tissue or, at a push, a hardy receipt.
However, I cannot think of a situation where I would march around with the Head-Mounted Toilet Paper Dispenser on my head like some sort of weird, ever-diminishing crown.
8. The Shoe Umbrella
Granted, none of my shoes are nice enough to warrant an umbrella of their own. However, logistically speaking, I simply don’t understand why you wouldn’t just get one big umbrella to cover up your entire body?
9. Full Body Umbrella
I mean, they say be careful what you wish for. This umbrella certainly covers your whole body but doesn’t exactly feel practical for walking around when out and about.
Sealing the user is a floor-length bubble, you’re sure to stay nice and dry. But I can imagine this would restrict visibility somewhat.
10. The Fliz
I can’t wrap my head around this, but I can only imagine the product is intended for hardcore fans of The Flintstones who want to bring a slice of Bedrock to their cycling routine.
Unlike traditional bikes, The Fliz has no pedals and so you must scurry away with your own two feet to keep things moving.
Now, I’m not sure this would be the most enjoyable cycling experience – especially if, like me, you have quite short little legs – but each to their own I guess.
I sincerely hope we humans never stop making bizarre and intriguing creations which defy any sense, taste or reason.
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