Man Gives Up On Dating Because His Farts ‘Smell Like Death’


There are people out there whose bodies will only let them poo once every 10 days or so, so you can imagine how just how revoltingly noxious the gases that eventually emerge are.

I had the pleasure of speaking to a Reddit user who lives in this bizarre isolated existence and has hit two years without a single date because of his chronic constipation and resulting gas which he says smells like ‘death’.

The self-deprecation with which u/throwaway1f explained his acrid gut flora and love life is enough to make your eyes water. Or that might just be the gas, it’s hard to know.

u/throwaway1f explained to UNILAD:

The last relationship didn’t end due to the issue but it was exhausting leaving the apartment all the time to go gas up the hallway or bathroom.

She was very understanding about it. Girlfriends have never raised it as an issue in the relationship, but at this point I just don’t see myself even wanting a relationship knowing I’ll have to constantly leave the room, whereas in my early/mid 20s I would just fart and we’d laugh as it wasn’t as bad or as frequent.

So I suppose I shouldn’t say the issue is ‘finding another girlfriend’ but maybe more like ‘wanting another girlfriend’. If I decided not to leave the room constantly though I’m sure ‘finding’ would be the correct word.

So he has surrendered for now and given up on dating, but after posting about his issue on Reddit, people encourage him to see a specialist and he is tempted to try a fecal transplant.

After explaining all that, the user hilariously wrote: “Nobody could bear to sit next to me while writing either of the above 3 paragraphs btw, or during the 20 seconds of proofreading.”

He said that there are things in life that cause stomach aches and are annoying for most people, but for him they actually loosen the bowels a bit and get things moving.

Being nervous for something like an interview or long flight, getting wasted and getting food poisoning all give him a bit of relief from his symptoms for a few days, so he appreciates it when they happen.

u/throwaway1f talked about juggling his condition with a relationship:

In terms of relationships, it’s really not that I can’t “find” anyone, women are always very sympathetic to it, it’s more like I just can’t handle mixing the lifestyles of my condition with a girlfriend.

Sometimes I need to lay by myself in pain for a while, and I get annoyed with other people being around (I think it’s a ‘don’t see me like this’ thing).

There’d be a lot of nights I’d have to sleep on the couch. There’d be a lot of nights I just couldn’t be near my partner, but would still want to be in the living room or bedroom or whatever doing my thing.

It’s funny cause you would never know by looking at me, I’m in good shape and healthy appearing.

Fecal transplants are in clinical trials, and it entails, in his words ‘where they shove someone else’s superior crap inside of your gut’ in the hope you can steal thie bacteria and out grow your ‘inferior’ bacteria.

He said if they come up in his area he’ll do it, and that he’ll ‘pretty much try anything’.

Until then he’ll have to just book an interview in every week.