You Should Never Hold A Fart In, According To Science

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Did you know there’s an actual reason why you should avoid holding your farts in?

I didn’t, but boy am I glad. See, I’m a farter. Not exactly a proud one, but a farter all the same. No matter what the situation or context, if it’s happening it’s happening.

Just the other week I farted, willingly, three times on my good friend’s knee while squeezed next to each other on our mate’s sofa.

Audibly appalled the first time, it didn’t stop me from unleashing another two on him. I was later publicly shamed for doing so in front of a room full of other people.

It also pains me to say I consciously tore one last night in front of my girlfriend. She laughed it off, though it only made matters worse because it spurred me on. There was an apology.

Yet there shouldn’t have been. I should’ve gone: “You know what? Forgive me for not wanting hemorrhoids or a distended bowel because this is what holding in your trumps could give you.”

Well, in worse case scenarios – so how is holding them in, strong or weak, ever a good case scenario? Let me fart alright.

Your farts will always find a way, regardless of whether or not you keep them private around others and while you sleep, all your jailed gas will break free.

Holding them in only makes them more powerful, which in turn, means when push comes to shove, you could actually suffocate someone within your vicinity.

Gastroenterologist Dr Satish S.C Rao said:

The gas in your gut is a mix of nitrogen, hydrogen, oxygen, carbon dioxide, methane and trace gasses like hydrogen sulphide and some other volatile gasses.

So the moral of the story is fart whenever you can. Just maybe do it away from people who aren’t going to do so themselves.