Let’s all be honest for a second, and admit that being an adult kinda sucks. Life was so much simpler when you could get home from school and watch cartoons until your eyes bled. Or your parents made you go to bed – whichever came first.
Nowadays it’s all, “I want that report on my desk by Friday or your fired” and “Sir, you can’t urinate in the children’s pool.” When did growing up become so shitty? Let’s take a few minutes to remember that it wasn’t always such a vapid trudge to the grave, with 10 of the best cartoons ever to grace our childhoods.
Ed, Edd n Eddy
If Ed, Edd n Eddy had put as much time into legit ways of making money as they did into trying to swindle the other neighbourhood kids out of theirs for jawbreakers, they probably would have been rolling in the things. The closest modern day kids have to Ed, Edd and Eddy is probably something shit like Horrid Henry. Poor buggers.
The Wild Thornberrys
What I would have given to be able to talk to animals like Eliza Thornberry. At least then I’d have known why my grandma’s piece of shit cat always attacked me. Fucker. But really, the star of the show was Eliza’s nature loving dad, Nigel Thornberry. The man had a nose that wouldn’t quit, the perviest voice in the world and more catchphrases than you can shake a blaaaaarrrrgh at. A generation of children grew up with Nigel as their surrogate father, and that’s pretty great.
Johnny Bravo was so loveable, purely because he was a bit of a cunt. Even though he was egotistical, misogynistic and thicker than two short planks, Johnny was remarkably difficult to hate. It’s a miracle the idea of a kids cartoon character who was a mix between Elvis and Charlie Sheen ever took off, but we’re pretty glad it did. If nothing else, he taught us all how to do The Monkey.
The original child genius, Dexter deserved so much more than being constantly harassed by his piss-stain of a sister, Deedee. Hell, the majority of kids watching actually wanted him to take over the world just to put an end to Deedee’s shenanigans. Originally running from 1996 to 1999, the show did had a brief revival between 2001 and 2003, but unfortunately for Dexter, he never did get to take over the world. Also, I never figured out why he spoke with a weird Russian accent.
Cow and Chicken
Okay guys, if you know what the fuck was happening in this one please write in and let us know, because it made literally zero sense. A cow and a chicken are brother and sister. Okay, good. We’re off to a good start. Their parents were just two sets of disembodied legs. Yup, nope. And if the theme tune is to believed, said parents had no idea how the two were conceived, only that their dad was vaguely proud. It was good craic so we’ll let all that slide, but what was with all the butts?
Ah, CatDog. The TV show that asked more questions than it answered. Most importantly, what the fuck is a CatDog and how is it alive? Cat had a bit of a stick up his non-existent ass while Dog might as well have been a stoner, giving zero fucks about anything but eating and chasing shit. Still, this one wins some serious kudos for one of the best theme tunes ever written.
Aaahh!! Real Monsters
Aaahh!! Real Monsters was basically ripped right off by Monsters University several years after it finished. Following the japes of three young monsters in training, Aaahh!! Real Monsters was created by Klasky Cuspo and ran from 1994 – 1997. If that name sounds familiar, it should, the duo of Gábor Csupó and Peter Gaffney also created the awesome Rugrats.
The Ren & Stimpy Show
Like an adolescent fever dream, The Ren & Stimpy Show was the creepy gift that kept on giving. Now considered a cult classic, watching Ren and Stimpy back in the day was like training for a fucking future acid trip from start to finish – no matter how weird shit got, you just grabbed-a-hold of something and tried to stay happy.
What do you get if you breed a human with an American football? Arnold, obviously. The long-suffering nine year-year-old Arnold deserves a goddamn medal of honor for putting up with bully/ love interest Helga and the perpetual bullshit of his friends. At least he had his cool grandparents though – Grandpa Phil was one chill motherfucker.
The way Recess likened school to a prison camp felt like such a good metaphor back in the day. Everyone figured themselves as the suave T.J. or super cool Vince, but in reality, 9/10 people were Gus or the eternal cockwomble, Randall. Recess captured the feeling of an entire generation of school kids who wanted nothing more than to get the fuck outta the classroom – which is why it’s a shame they drove this into the ground with a thousand straight to VHS movies. That really womped.