Get ready to not get any sleep tonight because the new trailer for the upcoming series American Horror Story: Apocalypse has just dropped and I want to call my mum and know that everything is going to be okay.
You kids nowadays with your viral videos of insects coming out of orifices and pus sacks coming out the size of golf balls, you’ll be fine – I on the other hand watched Predator 2 when I was about 12 years old and was convinced there was a big heat-visioned alien living in my wardrobe for years. That was the early 1990s. It was a different time. A more innocent time. Have you ever heard of EuroTrash?
So anyway, news has been dripping from the seams of the internet over the last few days about AHS: Apocalypse and, well, to be perfectly honest, I’m quite glad I’m not into fright fests. Keeping an eye on all the online goings on, paying the rent and keeping my tab at the local below four figures is quite enough stress for a man of my age.
The show’s creators revealed recently the eighth season would be a crossover of two previous seasons, ‘Murder House’ and ‘Coven’ – possibly the two best seasons – and would be known as ‘Apocalypse’.
And they tweeted a picture of a creepy baby with creepy black, pointy nails – the internet, really – we’ve had enough of nail fashions around here for one year.
Anyway check out this look for 2018 and tell me it doesn’t look a bit odd:
Aside from an embryo inside some sort of nuclear explosion, some lass in a gas mask, the kind of onion you’d find as the market is closing down and a bunch of flaming skulls, what else do we know?
Well, previous show regular Jessica Lange is back with a bang, or an oozing or some sort of action which you’d assume was accompanied by some sort of awful smell – figuratively speaking.
At the Television Critic Association Awards on Friday (August 3), it was revealed by one of the show’s stars, Sarah Paulson, Ms Lange will be reprising her role of Constance Langdon, (‘Murder House’) in the upcoming eighth season of the show.
According to Harper’s Bazaar, Paulson confirmed the news, saying:
Jessica will be returning as Constance in an episode that I’m going to direct.
For the non-die-hard AHS fans reading, Constance Langdon was the very first character Lange ever played on the show, back in its first season in 2011.
Lange went on to play three other characters, with her last appearance in the season four finale, of ‘Freak Show’.
I’m sure this will get your pulses running. Not for me, thanks. I watched Grave of the Fireflies the other night and I’m still recovering from watching the most depressing animated film in history. Absolute tear-jerker, you can’t watch the tale of two siblings towards their impending doom at the end of the Second World War and not feel a bit down – unless you’re Dennis Reynolds perhaps.
I think once I’m done here I’ll go home and watch SpongeBob reruns.
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Tim Horner is a sub-editor at UNILAD. He graduated with a BA Journalism from University College Falmouth before most his colleagues were born. A previous editor of adult mags, he now enjoys bringing the tone down in the viral news sector.