Sorry for bringing it up again, but can you imagine watching Avengers: Endgame in this cinematic sensory paradise?
…Was my first thought until I realised the 5D cinema in question which has just opened its doors in Amsterdam is going to be screening exclusively pornographic films.
Nestled in Amsterdam’s Red Light District, the cinema aims to complement x-rated films by stimulating every single one of the audience members’ senses while watching porn.
Owner Natalie insists the pornographic picture house, dubbed simply ‘5D porn’, is somewhere you can take your loved ones.
She told Dutch Review:
We are definitely not just going after tourists for our audience. It’s funny because in Amsterdam even the Dutch people have an interest in breaking free from the norm.
Come with your wife, have a laugh, try something different. Have you been to an amusement park? It’s kind of like that, we are really satisfied with it. Everyone is welcome to try the experience.
Lots of things happen so fast when you’re in the audience that when it’s finally all over you’re left energised. You want to get back out there, have a beer or a coffee and talk, and process what just happened.
The ‘lots of things’ she speaks of include water jets and air cannons, a 3D enabled screen, and seats which can move in time to the show.
It’s unclear how they will satisfy the fourth and fifth senses of smell and taste, but the less said about them, the better, don’t you think?
In fact, Natalie said any rumours of scents or fragrances being included are ‘untrue’ and added, ‘someone has just made this up’. So maybe not for those with nasal fetishes, then.
The cinema, located in De Wallen, opened on March 30 and will be screening films made exclusively for the theatre in collaboration with Kim Holland, who Natalie dubs ‘a big name in this industry’.
As many as 18 people at a time can be in one screening of the films, which are apparently ‘quite expensive to make’ so only a few are put into production, filmed, and screened at 5D Porn.
Meanwhile, the municipality of Amsterdam has prohibited large groups of tourists from entering the Red Light District as of January 2020, arguing sex work shouldn’t be equated to tourism.
If the sex museum and cinema route isn’t your bag, the parks are lovely this time of year. Just FYI.
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A former emo kid who talks too much about 8Chan meme culture, the Kardashian Klan, and how her smartphone is probably killing her. Francesca is a Cardiff University Journalism Masters grad who has done words for BBC, ELLE, The Debrief, DAZED, an art magazine you’ve never heard of and a feminist zine which never went to print.