Everyone dreams of having a place to call home; a house of your very own to decorate as you see fit without worrying about tack marks on the walls and angry landlords and lost deposits.
Even our favourite fictional characters need homes to go to after a long day of narrative tomfoolery – and the good people at Which? Mortgage Advisers have worked out exactly how much those homes would cost.
Even Sherlock requires a safe space to work on cases and belittle Watson… It’s not a literal Mind Palace, after all.
Mrs. Hudson not included, 221b Baker Street would set you back £1.7million – a princely sum that would require you to solve a lot of complex murder cases.
Even though the elegant two-bed Georgian townhouse is a stone’s throw away from Central London conveniences, its proximity to a commercial business and the bullet holes in its frontage make for an insurance risk.
You’d be looking at a mortgage deposit of 25 per cent of the property value, which adds up to £425,00. The real mystery here is how the hell can Sherlock afford that?
The same question can be asked of William Thacker, the owner of a failing bookshop and the house with the blue door in Notting Hill.
If the inflated house prices of London are still your bag, why not venture out to Croydon and move into a flat more suited to middle management rather than a crime-solving mastermind?
Enter: Peep Show‘s Mark Corrigan. His bachelor pad, complete with balcony for easy access during illicit love affairs with downstairs neighbours, is estimated to cost £220,000.
Flats are generally leasehold – which means the mortgage lender would require 50 to 60 years. But at least your mates are more likely to pay rent than Jez, who is happy to mooch off his dead relatives without a second thought.
A desirable family property on Salford’s Coronation Street, formerly inhabited by Tyrone Dobbs, might be within your buying budget – thanks largely to the dodgy loft conversion.
The savings you’ll make on your mortgage will almost certainly cover the costs of your physical and emotional therapy, after living on the tumultuous patch of TV history.
If you’re looking for slice of Great British seaside, head to Gavin and Stacey‘s neck of the woods down Barry Island on the South Wales coast.
A little piece of Barrybados is the second most affordable real estate on the Which? Mortgage Advisers comprehensive list, totting up to £130,000 plus a 5 per cent deposit for the mortgage lender – which is a grand total of £136,500.
Plus, this loving family home comes with competitive mortgage rates, which will no doubt please Bryn and Gwen.
When making their choice between Chigwell, Essex and Barry in Wales, I’m pretty sure the question of affordability made Gavin and Stacey’s decision all the more simple.
If you’re looking for a cheap crib, the only way is absolutely not Essex, with its private pools and detached contemporary living solutions.
Reality TV star, Joey Essex, lives in a property valued at £1.6 million. But as they point out, ‘just like tans, houses are not just for summer’ and unless you can manage those payments, the house can be remortgaged for up to 85 per cent its value.
Only marginally more affordable is the home of Dot Cotton, which could be yours for £875,000, fully-furnished. This would presumably include Dot Cotton who is practically part of the furniture.
Walford’s daily markets and thriving community would result in higher stamp duty for potential landlords, who wouldn’t be able to live in the property themselves…
Which isn’t too much of a disappointment, considering that house could fill books – or a long-running TV series like Eastenders – with all the horrors its walls have witnessed.
A cushty sale can be had in the heart of Peckham, if you fancy taking up residence in Derek and Rodney Trotter’s old gaff.
Although the previous fictional tenants may be happy for a cash-in-hand backdoor deal, but in reality, getting a mortgage on any high-rise flats can prove difficult with lenders. Banks tend to shy away from lending on properties where less than 50 per cent of the flats are privately owned.
Only Fools and Horses accepted.
If it’s a home in which to horse around you’re after, the extensive grounds in the next two ancestral pads offer plenty of galloping space.
For the £72 million Downton Abbey, you’ll need to seek advice from a bespoke loan service.
If you have royal aspirations – like the cast of The Crown – a mortgage on the £2.2 million Buckingham Palace would require private specialist funding and the total upheaval of the British constitution.
So, if these famous houses are anything to go by, house prices continue to soar, mortgages are becoming as elusive as Pixie dust, and Generation Rent looks set to be indefinitely clutching at the bottom rung of the property ladder.
According to the findings of Which? Mortgage Advisers, it appears that owning a house is the stuff of fiction for most of us in the near future.
If you are thinking of buying somewhere slightly more attainable than Downton Abbey, you can call Which? Mortgage Advisers free from a mobile or landline on 0808 231 5892 for impartial advice.
A former emo kid who talks too much about 8Chan meme culture, the Kardashian Klan, and how her smartphone is probably killing her. Francesca is a Cardiff University Journalism Masters grad who has done words for BBC, ELLE, The Debrief, DAZED, an art magazine you’ve never heard of and a feminist zine which never went to print.