I Tried The Syrup ‘Breakfast’ Spaghetti From Elf
In an all-time low, I rustled up the endboss of sugary dishes for your enjoyment: Buddy the Elf’s breakfast spaghetti.
Movie hunger is uniquely powerful; it’s driven by chasing the vicarious high of something we’ll never fully have, and it’s more visceral than your everyday craving.
For me, these are the crowning examples: Jon Favreau’s gooey grilled cheese in Chef basically amounts to porn; PJ’s otherworldly, stringy pizza in The Goofy Movie; Scooby and Shaggy’s ketchup-smothered fries in Cyber Chase; the hot, hot, hot… HOT chocolate in The Polar Express; and Stuntman Mike’s ‘Nacho Grande’ platter in Death Proof.
Then, there’s the morbid curiosity hanging over some meals; on this occasion, I tackled the syrup-laced, candy-packed spaghetti from Elf. The question remains: was it even nice?
In the 2003 film, Will Ferrell’s oversized elf puts together a breakfast like no other: spaghetti with lots of syrup, chocolate and sweets. Amazingly, the actor seems to actually eat it in the scene, picking it up with his hands into one congealed gloop of sugar.
To give it a go myself, I picked up some ingredients, which I’ll list if you want to try it too: any brand of spaghetti, and as much as you want of it; bottle of maple syrup; chocolate syrup or sauce, whatever’s easiest; mini marshmallows, or full-sized ones ripped into smaller pieces; whichever type of M&Ms you like the best; and Chocolate Fudge Brownie Pop Tarts.
As a result of my local supermarkets’ availability, I ended up using golden syrup, bigger marshmallows and instead of Pop Tarts, I used bourbon biscuits – but I counteracted the lack of fudge by getting brownie M&Ms. If you want exact measurements, or think I’ve already messed up the recipe, you’re doing this wrong: it’s not an exact science. In fact, it’s ludicrous.
I still salted my water for the spaghetti (we’re not animals), and after cooking for around nine minutes, I drained it and arranged it somewhat nicely on the plate. I then drenched it in syrup, before carefully arranging the marshmallow shreds, M&Ms and biscuit bits. The chocolate syrup was the finishing flair; a brown drizzle over a plate of sh*t.
After taking a few snaps, I twirled a large, dripping forkful of spaghetti, and handpicked all the separate ingredients to ensure a proper mouthful, as Buddy would have wanted. I’m sorry, but I didn’t grab it off the plate with my hands.
The result was surprising. The first few seconds after putting it in my mouth were the toughest; having to calibrate my taste buds to be okay with sweet spaghetti was surprising difficult.
Once I got past that, I started to appreciate the components: the crunch of the biscuits mixed with the cracking sugar shells of the M&Ms was rather pleasant; the slow-melting marshmallows in the heat of the pasta added another texture to the dish; and the spaghetti basically just became a vessel for the sauce.
Then a few more seconds passed. As my chewing persisted, I realised I was struggling to gain the gumption to swallow. Similarly disconcerting was the blue food colouring on the M&Ms seeping off into the spaghetti, almost resembling Bob Ross’s used paint palettes.
Eventually, I got it down, and even went back for another forkful – I didn’t want to waste too much after all. The conclusion: not as bad as you’d think, but I would never, ever recommend it. Anyone who says otherwise sits on a throne of lies.
If you have a story you want to tell, send it to UNILAD via [email protected]