The vile and infectious disease which is the Kardashians and all of their never-ending subordinate spawn spend their days looking cosmetically pretty, releasing depressingly shit sex tapes, and documenting their lavish lives through endless waves of narcissistic photographs.
Ever since Kim got held at gunpoint she’s slipped out of the limelight quicker than El Chapo breaks out of prison, but of course – the Kardashians are the cockroach kings of all reality TV, they don’t go away easy.
Enter one of the youngsters of the venomous clan, Kylie.
Kylie seems to have to taken centre stage after the Paris heist – by posting countless photos of her pricey silver spoon fed life.
And just like me and you, yesterday evening the 19-year-old queen of all things materialistic held a Halloween party – and it looked exceedingly wank.
It reminds me of those parties back when you were about twelve or just-gone thirteen. You’re hormonal and excited but essentially you’re sober and there’s no alcohol in sight so you just stand around trying to entertain yourself.
Granted at 19 you can’t legally drink in America, but I’m pretty sure there aren’t any laws against cracking a fucking smile Kylie.
It must be so much fun getting dressed up to stand in Kylie’s bedroom on your mobile phone – the banter is unreal:
Or putting your makeup on in the bathroom:
Kylie you may have a shit-ton of money for posting selfies like a trigger-happy photographer with a taste for all things attractively dull but at the end of the day I’d rather get smashed in Widnes than go to your desperately shit Halloween party.
But then again, I wasn’t invited. Thank fuck.
Joseph Loftus is a Gold Standard NCTJ journalist with four years experience working for international and regional press.
As well as working for UNILAD and LADbible, Joseph has worked as Liverpool Correspondent for Unsigned & Independent Magazine, as well as stints with the Liverpool Echo and Warrington Guardian.