What do you get the girl who has everything as a housewarming gift?
Kris Jenner solves yet another first world problem, by getting her spoilt daughter and professional money sponge Kylie Jenner the thing she loves most in the whole wide world – herself.
The Kardashian ‘momager’ rocked up to Kylie’s $4.5 million Hidden Hills house hollering like she’d lost her mind…
It quickly became clear that was indeed the case, as she whipped out Kylie’s birthday present.
It’s none other than Kylie Jenner herself, in framed DNA form – because there’s nothing Kylie loves more than Kylie.
The DNA serves as a reminder – or a shock reveal – that Kylie is in fact a human being and not an android sent from outer space to test our fucking patience, as previously suspected.
For most people, I actually think this gift is rather sweet – after all, it’s human nature to wonder how we came to be. This is basically the solution to every existential crisis I’ve ever had.
However, I propose Kylie’s DNA be immediately seized by the FBI and locked away in a high security lab for testing. This would double up as an effective prevention measure to stop any member of the Kardashian fanbase, who eerily refer to themselves as the Dash Dolls, from kloning Kylie.
One Kylie Jenner is one too many, IMHO.
More gifts followed, in the form of some dodgy spider and ever-so unseasonal nutcracker doll earrings, definitively proving that all the money in the world can’t buy you taste.
The gift-giving – all kaptured on kamera, of course – ended as Kylie unceremoniously dumped the earrings into the paper bag from whence they came.
Yeah, okay, the presents are bit weird but you really needn’t be so ungrateful, Kylie.
If I can manage a smile for the porcelain clown doll I was once given by my odd French godmother, you could surely muster up a more sincere gesture of thanks than this.
A former emo kid who talks too much about 8Chan meme culture, the Kardashian Klan, and how her smartphone is probably killing her. Francesca is a Cardiff University Journalism Masters grad who has done words for BBC, ELLE, The Debrief, DAZED, an art magazine you’ve never heard of and a feminist zine which never went to print.