Just before you decide, ‘Ya know what, I’m not going to bother going to watch the new Avengers film in April cos NASA have got it sorted’, hundreds of people’s livelihoods – real and fictional – are probably riding on the fact that’s not going to be post-modern plot twist.
ICYMI the Avengers: Endgame trailer dropped a few weeks ago – don’t know how you could’ve missed it, it’s pretty much all we’ve been banging on about.
Tony’s trapped on a spaceship, half the universe has been wiped out and the rest of us are trying to figure out how when ended up in a place where this was newsworthy content.
But hey ho it’s 2018 and because we’re not talking about people being offended or people taking part in dangerous and idiotic online pranks, I’ll try to withhold the shade for the next three minutes.
Tired, lost, and looking defeated floating in space, Tony records a message to his fiancée, Pepper Potts:
Dear Ms Potts, if you find this recording don’t feel bad about this, part of the journey is the end. Just for the record, being adrift in space with zero promise of rescue is more fun than it sounds.
Food and water ran out four days ago, oxygen will run out tomorrow morning and I mean it, when I drift off, I will dream about you, it’s always you.
Marvel fans took to Twitter to ask NASA if they could help out everyone’s favourite entrepreneur-cum-superhero.
One person tweeted:
NASA please send a rescue team for Tony Stark. my boi is dying out there [sic]
@NASA please send a rescue team for Tony Stark. my boi is dying out there
— Raven (@putangayawa) December 9, 2018
NASA stop other things… Just go for Tony Stark and rescue him…
Or you will pay for it…
Go go go…..
Just go there you damn folks [sic]
— Kunaltennyson (@JerryHeart_) December 9, 2018
Another concerned citizen said:
NASA Hey guys…
On behalf of all the survivors I request you to pls find Tony Stark, also known as Iron Man, resident of 10-8-80 Malibu Point, 90265, Malibu, CA. [sic]
He is stuck somewhere in space without food and water with oxygen about to run out anytime now.
@NASA Hey guys…
On behalf of all the survivors I request you to pls find Tony Stark, also known as Iron Man, resident of 10-8-80 Malibu Point, 90265, Malibu, CA. He is stuck somewhere in space without food and water with oxygen about to run out anytime now. Here’s his pic- pic.twitter.com/N3aDeVemFH
— Siddharth Sharma (@sid_371) December 8, 2018
Would you Adam and Eve it, NASA only went and tweeted the Avengers with some sound advice.
Hey Marvel, we heard about Tony Stark. As we know, the first thing you should do is listen in mission control for “Avengers, we have a problem.” [sic]
But if he can’t communicate, then we recommend ground teams use all resources to scan the skies for your missing man
Hey @Marvel, we heard about Tony Stark. As we know, the first thing you should do is listen in mission control for “@Avengers, we have a problem.” But if he can’t communicate, then we recommend ground teams use all resources to scan the skies for your missing man pic.twitter.com/zavXrsPljq
— NASA (@NASA) December 9, 2018
Now, man of the hour Robert Downey Jr, who plays Tony Stark, has got back to NASA, and it’s blowing my mind because I thought he was in a spaceship somewhere floating in a most peculiar way.
Always good to know @NASA has your back
— Robert Downey Jr (@RobertDowneyJr) December 15, 2018
Ground control responded: ‘Failure is not an option’.
If I was American, I’d be glad my tax dollars are being spent wisely.
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Tim Horner is a sub-editor at UNILAD. He graduated with a BA Journalism from University College Falmouth before most his colleagues were born. A previous editor of adult mags, he now enjoys bringing the tone down in the viral news sector.