It’s all over. We’re done. The Rock has ruined his life’s work of fitness after taking the first step to what looks like a probable mid-life crisis and the ultimate decline of his physique.
Yes – he ate some candy.
Apparently, Dwayne Johnson hasn’t eaten a single piece of candy since way back in 1989, almost 30 years ago – and due to our youthful audience, probably even before you were born, reports Consequence of Sound.
It’s no secret that you don’t get the sculpted Adonis abs and Roman gladiator biceps of The Rock by stuffing your gullet full of hot dogs and Big Macs, but even for Dwayne, going almost three decades without a sweet or two is utterly mind-boggling.
In case you don’t think 27 years is a long enough time without candy, remind yourself that back in 1989 there was no such thing as texting, Internet, or Kylie Jenner (thank fuck).
Yup, all those things were brought into reality after Dwayne decided to permanently retire his sweet tooth.
And, yet, all it took for him to break his sugar prohibition, his commitment, and his loyalty to all things health was mass sugar promoter / salesman Jimmy Fallon to stick Pop Rocks straight up his candy ass, urging the demons of all things tasty to spiral forth and take control.
To be fair, Rocky did seem to enjoy himself and I think it’s only right to say that he deserves it.
It’s just a shame he’s now got to wait until until he’s 74 for any more sugar. Damn, Dwayne…
Joseph Loftus is a Gold Standard NCTJ journalist with four years experience working for international and regional press.
As well as working for UNILAD and LADbible, Joseph has worked as Liverpool Correspondent for Unsigned & Independent Magazine, as well as stints with the Liverpool Echo and Warrington Guardian.