Doner Kebabs Could Be Banned


In the best advert for Brexit we’ve ever seen, Britain’s favourite post night out feast could end up in the bin if EU regulators have their way.

You read correctly, our rights are being shaved away like tiny little delicious pieces of indiscernible meat, placed into the naan of paternalism and drowned in the garlicky mayo of sickly bureaucracy.

The EU experts – who just want nobody to feel satisfied and full after a big one this Christmas – are looking to ban phosphates, which are currently used in meat for everyone’s favourite bready, meaty, garlicky, spicy delight.


These guys reckon the phosphates are responsible for numerous health concerns based on medical studies which link phosphates to heart disease.

In the paternalistic move, The Health Committee have objected to a proposal by the European Commission to allow phosphate to still be in the meat.

Kenan Koyuncu of the German Association of Doner Kebab Producers told The Sun:

If the European Parliament gets its way, this would be the death sentence for the entire doner kebab industry in the European Union.


However, Susanne Melior, an SPD politician said this idea was untrue:

Nothing is happening and no döner kebab is in danger, so naturally no jobs are in danger either.

She said the law hasn’t passed through because further studies need to be done on phosphates before the decision is made.

Now this all sounds a bit too risky for me, so can we just stump up that £57 billion for Brexit and save the humble doner kebab please?

Someone call Theresa.