Your birthday is one day out of 365 when you can be a total princess and expect everyone to fawn over your existence.
While some people choose to throw lavish parties and drown themselves in colourful shots of high-percentage booze, others prefer to spend their birthday in the company of their families and close friends.
But not just any food, free birthday food.
Josh went on a ‘Free Birthday Food Odyssey’ in an attempt to eat himself into a cake coma and stick it to the man for free stuff, delivering a solid two-finger salute to modern day consumerism.
Sharing the photo series on Imgur, Josh wrote:
First stop was Dairy Queen, where the manager told me he’s been there for 10 years and has never heard of a birthday deal at DQ. He gave me a free chocolate-dipped twist cone anyway.
Next stop was Starbucks for my free birthday drink. It didn’t go smoothly, and I had to call the toll-free customer service line to get them to add my drink. Got the drink eventually.
Josh expertly documents his day in the hilariously straight style of consumer advice PSAs, continuing:
Had great success at Rubio’s with a free Seafood Taco Trio. It was awesome.
Next up was Panera for a free cinnamon bun.
Josh’s journey of discovery pleased his taste buds and his taste for foodie adventure.
The photograph below was accompanied by a heart-melting smile and the following anecdote:
Went to Honeybaked Ham for a free classic ham sandwich. I had no idea they even made sandwiches there. The service was great, as was the sandwich.
Josh’s balanced critique of service and taste has made him a viral sensation, with everyone except La La Land:
Went to Ben & Jerry’s next for a free birthday cone. Got Chocolate Therapy ice cream, which was really good.
Then went to La La Land, which wasn’t as good.
Despite Josh’s eloquent writing, sometimes a picture – and the peanut butter cups – are worth a thousand words:
Next up — Smash Burger for a free peanut butter milkshake. It had Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups mixed in. Enough said.
Sometimes Josh was met with adversity, which he valiantly overcame:
Steak ‘n Shake was supposed to give me a burger meal, but the manager said they don’t participate in that.
She gave me a Red Velvet Oreo milkshake instead.
Although Josh has a special place in the internet’s collective heart, perhaps the real heroes here are the lovely pizza people of Grimaldi’s.
Josh gave them a glowing review:
Grimaldi’s Pizza gave me a large pepperoni pizza. It was amazing.
In lieu of an actual birthday cake, Krispy Kreme saved the day with free goo-filled donuts, according to Josh:
Krispy Kreme hooked me up with a chocolate-covered, creme-filled donut and an iced tea.
Ending the Odyssey on a healthy note, Josh headed to Jamba Juice with his heart soaring and his stomach full.
Last up — Jamba Juice for a free Mega Mango smoothie. Had to have some health food to finish the odyssey. Already looking forward to my next birthday.
Finally, Josh revealed he’d spent the whole day with daughter in tow. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree either. It turns out the young girl documented the eating experiences at each establishment with a succinct grading system.
My daughter kept track of the whole thing, complete with ratings on service, cleanliness, taste, and ease of obtainment.
The people of Imgur have just found a new King and now we all know what we’ll be doing for our next birthday.
His smiling face makes Monday feel good.
A former emo kid who talks too much about 8Chan meme culture, the Kardashian Klan, and how her smartphone is probably killing her. Francesca is a Cardiff University Journalism Masters grad who has done words for BBC, ELLE, The Debrief, DAZED, an art magazine you’ve never heard of and a feminist zine which never went to print.