Now I love pizza, it’s amazing and I’m sure all of you will agree.
But my love for pizza remains strictly platonic – it stems from my desire to eat it, not put a fucking ring on it.
Which is exactly what this guy did, sort of, I mean there are no fingers on a pizza so I don’t think he literally placed a wedding ring on there. But he did marry one, regardless of its lack of fingers – one of the many downsides of being married to a pizza.
The Russian man – of course he was Russian – tied the knot with a pizza at a ceremony in a pizzeria in the city of Tomsk, The Mirror reported.
Mr Pizza got hitched to the classic takeaway item after he became fed up with being single, but didn’t want to commit to a traditional human on human relationship.
At some point I realised that half of my friends were complaining about their better half, while the others were complaining about the lack of a better half.”
Love between two humans is a complicated wild thing. I was grateful that I had at least my love of food and then it came to me that actually love for food remains stable no matter what.
Before adding: “Pizza would not reject you or betray you, and speaking quite frankly and sincerely, I love it.”
For some bizarre reason both the Russian authorities and the church refused to give him permission to marry a pizza, so he was forced to have his big day in a local pizzeria.
Staff at the restaurant even provided the man with a ‘marriage certificate’, and his pizza wife was covered in a fucking bridal veil.
It hasn’t been confirmed whether he stuffed his bride’s crust on the wedding night.