America’s crime wave epidemic as hit an all-time high this month after a master thief made off almost $100,000… worth of ramen noodles.
That’s enough to last someone more than 300 years, which is both a good and bad thing. Good: because it means you’ll never have an excuse to be hungry. Bad: because eventually you’ll get sick of eating the bloody things.
However, this didn’t stop one thief from pulling off the heist of the century, making off with a food truck which had $98,000 worth of noodles.
The incident took place at a Chevron store on the Georgia Interstate Highway 85 north. Unsurprisingly, this is a unique case for the Fayette County Sheriff’s Office who say it’s their first time dealing with a ramen noodle heist.
According to police reports, the Japanese delicacy was being stored in a 53-foot long white trailer parked at a petrol station and has been since August 1. In an email to Delish from Lt. Allen Stevens said, ‘there are no updates to the investigation’.
Will the infamous noodle burglar ever be found? What about the other ramen noodle businesses in the area? Will they be able to operate without fear from the mysterious noodle thief? When will the reign of terror come to an end? I have no questions to offer.
For starters, I’m not a police detective and I don’t work for free. However, if they ever intend to solve this diabolical crime I suggest they be on the look out for any friends, family members or colleagues who seem to be only living on a diet of ramen noodles. This should set you on the right trail. You know I think this would make a great movie.
It would be a serious crime drama with John Boyega and Gemma Chan as two detectives on the hunt for a mysterious ramen noodle thief (played by Mads Mikkelsen of course) who leaves a single strand of noodle at the crime scene as his calling card. The Raid’s Iko Uwais will star as the police chief who’s had enough of his lead detectives’ reckless ways. The film would be called The Ramen Noodle Diaries and it will be directed by the Coen Brothers.
If anything, at least use it as the groundwork for season four of True Detective.
Why anyone would steal $98,000 worth of ramen noodles is beyond me, I have a hard time trying to understand the average criminal these days. You can get basic ramen for as cheap as 50p from your local Tesco. Personally, I think Ramen noodles are a perfect blend of opening yourself up to new and exciting cultural experiences and absolute laziness. It’s not exactly the hardest dish to cook, is it?
While the unknown thief is basking in his lifetime supply of ramen he may be putting his health at risk, if they decide to live off of it forever.
In an interview with The New York Times back in 2014, Dr Frank B. Hu, a professor of nutrition and epidemiology at Harvard claimed living on a diet purely on ramen noodles is not healthy.
Once or twice a month is not a problem. But a few times a week really is.
I never heard of anyone dying from Ramen noodles. That being said I never thought someone would be so brazen enough to steal a lifetime’s supply-worth.
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