Do you know any dicks deserving of a bittersweet lesson delivered to their door?
Will your fish-loving colleague not stop chewing with their mouth open? Did your noisy neighbours play the entirety of The Greatest Showman soundtrack on repeat all week?
How about the Tinder date who arrived late and chatted non-stop about the merits of post-Brexit Britain? Maybe you just think your friend is a bellend?
If you’ve answered no to all of the above questions, then congratulations; you live a charmed life and can stop reading immediately because you have no need for the chocolate dick this company are offering to send to an asshole on behalf of disgruntled customers.
Dick At Your Door, the folks who make edible prank products, will charge you less than $20 for the pleasure of telling someone, in no uncertain terms, to eat a dick.
Founder Adam Hascall launched the company in 2014 after making chocolate peens in his garage with a friend before sending them to unaware pals as a hilariously sweet prank.
He told Failory:
Dick At Your Door started when a buddy found a silicone penis mold at a random sex shop on a cross-country drive (thank you Lincoln, Nebraska).
My buddy and I thought it would be hilarious to send chocolate dicks in the mail to our friends.
We eventually threw up a website to continue the prank and people started reaching out that weren’t our friends. That was the lightbulb moment for us.
From there it was perfecting the molding process, finding a real chocolatier (and eventually becoming chocolatiers ourselves), building a secure website that was legit and going forth into the world of dicks and chocolate making.
A disclaimer on the site says the chocolate appendages are not made for malicious intent, or your game of edible physiological warfare, and should only be used as gag gifts.
UNILAD does not condone psychological warfare, but this writer guesses Dick At Your Door would never know either way.
All the meat swords are actually made using vegan milk chocolate, in an unexpected twist, if you’re looking for a conscientious way to crack a dick joke.
You can send one of the dicks with a little note to state your intentions with the gift, but that costs an extra $10 and rather ruins the enigmatic flavour of the phallus.
The dicks come in festive incarnations depending on the season.
The company do a Valentine’s Day special, as well as a pumpkin-spiced flavour for a Halloween fright, if that’s your bag.
Moreover, they’ve designed one model – named The Don – for which they donate one dollar from each sale towards research for prostate cancer.
If you have a story you want to tell, share it with UNILAD via [email protected]
A former emo kid who talks too much about 8Chan meme culture, the Kardashian Klan, and how her smartphone is probably killing her. Francesca is a Cardiff University Journalism Masters grad who has done words for BBC, ELLE, The Debrief, DAZED, an art magazine you’ve never heard of and a feminist zine which never went to print.