You Can Now Work As An Ice Cream Cone Cone-oisseur
Six unusual job vacancies are being advertised if you’re a fan of dairy – including Director of Hard Cheese and Ice Cream Cone-oisseur.
Other jobs on offer include Director of Soft Cheese, Head of Butter, Chief Yogurt Officer and Minister for Milk.
If you love dairy, one of these jobs could well be perfect for you because you get ‘dairy-related benefits’ over a period of three months, whatever they are.
Watch a video discussing the jobs on offer:
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These unusual job roles are being advertised by the Department of Dairy-Related Wholesome Affairs (DDRWA), who say key requirements include ‘talking about butter, posting photos of ice cream on Instagram and pairing cheese with crackers’.
Mike Howe, from DDRWA, said they are looking for the ‘crème de la crème to join the department’ – see what you did there, Mike.
We exist to serve a clear purpose, which is to celebrate the wholesomeness of dairy and the little moments of joy it brings to our lives. We look forward to welcoming our new recruits.
So what can you expect from each role?
The Minister for Milk will be ‘a hard-working individual excited about the joy of cow’s milk, whether it’s of the green, red, blue or gold top variety’, and the ideal candidate is ‘expected to exert their considerable influence to promote the people’s passion for milk’.
The Director of Hard Cheese requires somebody who is as ‘mature as cheddar or as joyously young as a creamy Lancashire’, and ‘committed to raising awareness of the unique qualities hard cheese has to offer’.
I wonder how much you get paid for that? Asking for a friend.
The Director of Soft Cheese role asks for somebody with ‘an appreciation for the nuanced challenge of a role that involves educating the public about the joy of soft cheese’.
They will also be required to educate their constituents in the ‘pleasures of spreading cheese’ – whether that’s on crackers, toast, or as fillings.
Then there’s the Chief Yogurt Officer role, which requires a candidate who will possess ‘a clear understanding of and passion for yogurt, and will not discriminate between frozen and unfrozen versions of this wholesome food’.
Ice cream fans may be more interested in hearing about the Ice Cream Cone-oisseur position, no doubt.
The candidate will ‘know there is no fun more wholesome than a lick of real dairy ice cream’ – whether the ‘real thing or a whipped-up imposter’.
The Head of Butter will provide ‘countless opportunities to spread a love of butter across the bread that is Great Britain, and understand intuitively butter is more than just a cooking and baking ingredient’.
To be eligible, a passion for dairy is a strict requirement, obviously, with successful applicants taking on the role of promoting their selected category.
Fancy it? To apply, you need to submit one image you think celebrates your joy of dairy, along with a paragraph ‘no longer than 200 words’, on your dedication to dairy via Instagram, including the mention @deptofdairywholesomeaffairs and the hashtag #TeamDairy in the copy.
Now somebody pass me the cheese and crackers, cheers.