Have you ever been on a bad Tinder date? I have. Met a girl once and the night ended with us, her best mate (possibly the loudest person I’ve ever met) and some random Dutch guy in Burger King exemplifying about as much chemistry as Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump. Sad!
However, looking back, that was fuck all compared to this recent date which ended up – I kid you not – with a woman trapped in a window trying to reclaim a bag of her own SHITE.
The guy in all of this, Liam Smyth has now set up a GoFundMe to raise funds towards a window repair after firefighters, firefighters, had to set his date free from her glass shackles.
I recently took a girl I met on tinder to Nandos. We had a lovely evening, and enjoyed each others company very much. After our meal, we repaired back to my house for a bottle of wine and a scientology doccumentary.
About an hour in to Louis Theroux and chill, my date got up to use the toilet. She returned with a panicked look in her eye, and told me she had something to tell me.
“I went for a poo in your toilet”, she told me “and it would not flush. I don’t know why I did this, but I panicked”, she continued “I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window”.
I was understandably concerned, and told her we would go outside, bag up the offending poo in the garden, bin it, and pretend the whole sorry affair had never happened.
Unfortunately, owing to a design quirk of my house, the toilet window does not in fact open to the garden, but instead into a narrow gap of about a foot and a half, separated from the outside world by another (non-opening) double glazed window. It was into this twilight zone that my date had thrown her poo.
Being an amateur gymnast, she was convinced that she could reach into the window and pull the poo out, using the tried and tested “inside out blag as glove” technique. Unfortunately she couldn’t reach. She climbed further in and had the same problem.
Eventually I agreed to give her a boost up and into the window. She climbed in head first after her own turd, reached deeper into the window, bagged it up, and passed it out, over the top and back into the toilet from whence it came.
She called out to me to help her climb out from the window, I grabbed her waist and I pulled. But she was stuck. Stuck fast. Try as we might, we could not remove her from the window. She was stuck fast, upside down in the gap.
All in all, it took the firemen 15 minutes to hammer the poor woman free and the rest is history.
But if you do want to donate, or read the hilarious post in full, you can so here.