The Guys In The Toilet With The Aftershave Now Have Card Readers

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The Guys In The Toilet With The Aftershave Now Have Card Readers card reader thumbyGeorge Linekar/Twitter

No splash, no gash. No Armani, no poonani. No Davidoff, no suck it off. Ah, don’t you just love the lewd humour of toilet attendants?

The only downside is they usually pressure you into paying them for even washing your hands.

As if guys needed another reason not to wash them in the first place, these guys will cough to make you cough up more often than not.

Then if you’re feeling it, you’ll get a nice spray of something sweet. Something, they guarantee, will get you laid the second you get back out there.

The only way to get away from these guys is to say, ‘Fuck off!!!!’ or ‘Sorry mate, I can’t. Got no spare change. Only card.’

Well, those sneaky toilet attendants have gone and equipped themselves with card readers.

This means no fucker can escape the confines of a club toilet without having to pay for pissing. What a cruel world.

George Lineker, son of former football star and current Match of the Day host Gary, tweeted confirmation of the move.

He wrote:

In a bar and I say to the toilet guy sorry I’ve not got cash, he goes yeh [sic] cool I take card. My hero.

We’re all fucked now, lads.