The Super Smash Bros Ultimate 3.0 update brings with it a wealth of new content. In addition to a new character (Joker from Persona 5), there are new Mii costumes, new tracks, and – perhaps most important of all – a stage builder.
While Joker is paid DLC, the robust new stage builder mode is an entirely free update, allowing players to create and share stages which are limited only by their own imaginations. Predictably, it didn’t take long for the penis stages to arrive.
It happened in Spore, it happened in Sim City, and it certainly happened (and still happens) in Minecraft. In any game where you’re given the freedom to build or create, there will always be those who make a penis straight away. It’s an inevitability, like the sunrise, or naff albums by Coldplay.
Let’s take a look at some examples – just be warned that some of this stuff could be considered NSFW!
— PewDiePie2 (@ChewieLui) April 18, 2019
JUST NADE THE FIRST EVER DICK STAGE IN SMASH ULTIMATE. SO PROUD OF MYSELF THANK YOU JESUS pic.twitter.com/jWjfLAyGGm
— euphoric (@euphorizer_) April 18, 2019
The dicks in space I made is 4 steel dicks in a square shape. The two on the bottom rotate and the bottom right rotates when you hit the level. pic.twitter.com/V7p1yHZxE5
— FlatHead #ScorbunnySquad (@PaRappathegamer) April 18, 2019
The tragedy is that Super Smash Bros Ultimate’s stage builder is apparently supposed to have a function that prevents you from drawing certain shapes (such as penises).
Clearly, this function didn’t work as planned, so let’s pour one out for the poor soul who wasted their time building penis detection software only for the penises to co – I mean, arrive anyway.
It doesn’t stop with penis stages by the way, but if I were to share any more in this article we’d be going into severely deep NSFW waters. If you’re feeling brave, go to Twitter and drink it all in.
Stage Builder has a function that prevents you from drawing certain shapes.
Those shapes include penises.
Someone on the Smash Bros. development team was paid to code and create Penis Detection Software.
— Sykin (@SykinSG) April 18, 2019
I can only imagine that someone at Nintendo is now going to have the spend the long weekend going on an intense penis purge instead of being with their family. Life comes at you fast sometimes.
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Ewan Moore is a journalist at UNILAD Gaming who still quite hasn’t gotten out of his mid 00’s emo phase. After graduating from the University of Portsmouth in 2015 with a BA in Journalism & Media Studies (thanks for asking), he went on to do some freelance words for various places, including Kotaku, Den of Geek, and TheSixthAxis, before landing a full time gig at UNILAD in 2016.