Your mouth’s as dry as the desert, your head feels like its about to implode and you spent the night hugging the toilet bowl. You, my friend, are hanging.
But it turns out this self-inflicted insanity, the hangover – the ultimate in first world problems of the millennial generation – is actually preventable. Best part is, you can still drink as much as you like (within the boundaries of socially acceptable consumption, naturally).
This type of tequila (yes, tequila, of all things) can get you out of some tight spots between self-loathing and total immune system shut down – and we’re all ordering it online in bulk as we speak.
It’s called blanco tequila and is praised by LA fitness buffs for its purity, the Daily Star reports.
The liquor is made from 100 per cent agave – which is a Mexican plant, known by boffins everywhere as Agave Tequilana…
And the penny drops as we realise this plant’s nectar of the Gods is where tequila gets its name.
Unlike other tequilas, which are laced with sugar, corn syrup and other tasty but dangerous ingredients which give you a pounding headache, this tequila is gluten free and vegan.
So be drink aware – this tequila could cause excess preaching about health benefits and an overdose of buzzkill. All the same, we were sold on it at hangover-free Saturday.
If you hold an anti-tequila stance (shame on you, you spoilsport), fear not. Turns out clear liquors are less likely to give you a hangover. So stick to the vodka and gin and avoid the brandies and whiskey.
Meanwhile, we’re taking our ‘Get out of hangover free’ pass to the closest Mexican-themed watering hole.
Now just watch as all your otherwise sensible friends turn into loco tequila fiends.
FYI, a bottle only costs about £30 (give or take a few pounds) per litre – which is a small price to pay for a clear head and smug face the morning after the night before.
A former emo kid who talks too much about 8Chan meme culture, the Kardashian Klan, and how her smartphone is probably killing her. Francesca is a Cardiff University Journalism Masters grad who has done words for BBC, ELLE, The Debrief, DAZED, an art magazine you’ve never heard of and a feminist zine which never went to print.