A woman has been living a lie, and probably one of the most relatable lies in the world.
Instead of going to the gym, she’s been pretending to exercise and instead gorging on cake.
She became so ashamed of her pretence, that she wrote into the Independent.ie’s agony aunt/uncle, Brian O’Reilly, like a sinner in a confession box.
The anonymous cake lover wrote:
Myself and my boyfriend moved in together almost a year ago.
We piled on the pounds since then, a lot of Dominos and Netflix and chill. Both of us work full time and aren’t really physically active.
So at the end of last year we both promised that from the start of January we’d kick the junk food and start exercising.
He’s started playing 5-a-side again and going jogging a few times a week. I decided I’d take up a spinning class at our local gym.
The thing is, I hate it, with a passion.
Going on to speak about the first time she lied, she continued:
So after nearly dying the first time I went I decided to pack it in, but didn’t want to renege on the promise to my boyfriend so soon.
So now two evenings a week I leave with my gym bag, drive to the gym, and then go into the coffee shop next door and get a cuppa and some cake.
I sprinkle some of my bottle of water on my forehead to make myself look sweaty before I go home.
He’s starting to lose weight, but I really haven’t. I’ve been blaming my time of the month for holding extra weight but that can only last so long. He’ll notice. I’ve been thinking of faking an injury to get out of it for a while and gain some sympathy.
Exasperated from her lack of self control, she simply asked ‘How do I get out of this?’.
Agony uncle Brian was quick to reassure that a preference for cake over voluntary exercise is not uncommon.
However he did tell her the it was the dishonesty that was the problem, and perhaps instead of a group gym class, she should try going solo.
In a perfect world, you should probably come clean with your boyfriend about the cake.
I’m a realist and it isn’t a perfect world, so the second option is to tell him you’re not enjoying the spinning and are going to try something else.
Or tell him you hate exercise and are stopping the spin class – but your health would really benefit if you take up a different form of exercise.
Brian seems pretty rational and non-judgemental at first, and then he just gets savage.
The agony uncle is quick to rip into her, saying ‘you need to stop pretending you’re exerting yourself at the gym, when the only exertion you’re doing is reaching for a cream cake. Delicious, nutritionally worthless cream’.
Brian has sass.