You’ve Been Wiping Your Bum Wrong Your Whole Life, According To Doctors

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Wiping your bum seems like such a mindless thing when you think about. But what if I told you you’d been doing it wrong your entire life?

Wrong? What do you mean wrong? Are we supposed to wipe in a different direction or with a slower speed? Not even close.

No, the real issue is what we actually use, not how.

According to expert Rose George, who has written a book called The Big Necessity: The Unmentionable World of Human Waste and Why It Matters, we should stay well clear of ordinary toilet paper.

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She told Tonic: I find it rather baffling that millions of people are walking around with dirty anuses while thinking they are clean.

Toilet paper moves sh*t, but it doesn’t remove it. You wouldn’t shower with a dry towel; why do you think that dry toilet paper cleans you?

It’s a fair point, even if the idea of everybody I see out on the street having a dirty arse is gross.

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Rose recommends bidets, those funky bum-cleaning devices you see in some toilets when abroad.

So, what, we all just go out and splash money on a bidet? That’s not going to happen, is it. What’s the cheap alternative?

Wet wipes. Biodegradable, plastic-free, wet wipes. Don’t believe me? Take Will.I.Am’s words for it. He exclusively uses them.

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He said in an interview with Elle in 2011:

Here’s proof on why people should have baby wipes. Get some chocolate, wipe it on a wooden floor, and then try to get it up with some dry towels. You’re going to get chocolate in the cracks.

That’s why you gotta get them baby wipes.

Jeez, who knew he had it in him (not physically).

Wiping your hole excessively with dry toilet roll could lead to tears, which would then cause anal fissures. And hey, who wants to be that guy walking around town with anal fissures?