Paris, London, New York, Milan, fashion epicentres of the world move over because a style icon has emerged from North Carolina.
Show me someone who says they’ve never at least once tried to cut their own hair and I’ll show you a liar.
Some of us have even tried to do the difficult job drunkenly, which in hindsight is something that should never be done. Not now everyone has a video camera on their phones, ready to capture the moment of madness for everyone else to enjoy online.
Because that’s what’s happened to this poor sod after he turned to his neighbour for help in a hair emergency.
Setting up the scene with a half-shorn mullet our model explains:
When I first got stuck, I tried the clippers, and you know cos at first I used the scissors. But they didn’t work.
As the neighbour gets to work with his own clippers his intoxicated friend shows his gratitude, saying ‘I’ll pay you brother’.
There’s quite a lot of work to do because among the matted hair there’s a surprise lurking.
The barber neighbour exclaims:
Dude you’ve got some long-ass ear hairs, holy sh*t! You’ve got some sh*t growing off the bottom of your earlobe!
The model didn’t know that.
Dude, you’ve got enough f*cking sh*t growing on the outside of your ears you could grow dreadlocks!
Don’t mate. It’s not worth it. Dreadlocks should be consigned to the past and the bin. Trust me. I tried to have them. Doesn’t work.
You know what else I’ve also done. I tried to cut my own hair when I was about eight years old. I tried to do it when I was about 28 too. Figured I’d save a few bob going to the barbers so I got some clippers from TK Maxx. That didn’t work either.
The thing about the Peaky Blinders short, back and sides is it’s a lot harder to do than it looks. I must have been developing something of a mullet of my own, so not wanting to ask anyone for help I took matters into my own hands. Chances are I was pretty pissed too at the time. I don’t think I put the right number blade guard on. Shaved a massive chunk out behind my ear. Anyways, less of me, let’s hear it from the model himself about how the drunken cuts came about.
After the cut, he said:
I was taking a shower. The brush got stuck. I got the scissors but the scissors didn’t work. The clippers got so hot it quit working. So I jerked the clippers and when I did I came over here.
Well, first I went over to the other neighbours but they couldn’t help me. So I came over here and asked you for help. I thought your wife was gonna get a little mad but she didn’t, she said go ahead and ask you anyway.
Good on you mate, but maybe head to the barbers next time.
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Tim Horner is a sub-editor at UNILAD. He graduated with a BA Journalism from University College Falmouth before most his colleagues were born. A previous editor of adult mags, he now enjoys bringing the tone down in the viral news sector.