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End Of World Has Been Rescheduled For Next Week, Sorry About The Mix-Up

by : Tim Horner on : 05 Oct 2017 16:30
Planet X News

The conspiracy theorist who predicted the world would end on September 23 has changed his prediction to October 15 now. Sorry for raising your hopes.

It’s bad enough having to take a few hours off work for contractors to not show up, but this is beginning to wear so thin that an apocalypse would most likely be the only thing to stop the constant doomsaying.

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If the bad news is true – and the world does end – the good news is it will only take seven years of earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis and nuclear war to finish the job.

Don’t be worried if this all sounds familiar, that’s because David Meade, the guy behind the theory, started his doomsday backtracking on September 23 when the world obviously didn’t end.

There was another group of people with another end of days type prediction in August. And there was a nun who predicted some apocalyptic events. Global demise, it’s so hot right now.

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Before you go out and waste money on a Halloween costume that you’re obviously not going to want to be wearing – how awkward would that be being dressed up as a vampire as the world ends? – take Meade’s prediction into account which is based on some bits in the Bible.

Not science. Who needs science, right?

Meade is quoted as saying:

It’s the beginning.

Ever since the Great American Solar Eclipse of August 21 we have been hit by a continued series of judgements.

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The slight flaw to Meade’s argument that the gigantic planet, Planet X – or Niburi to its closest friends – is it doesn’t exist.

The theories have spread so far and wide NASA has gone out of its way to address the nonsense theories that are bouncing around the Internet – NASA ffs – let that sink in for a second.

A statement read:

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Nibiru and other stories about wayward planets are an Internet hoax.

NASA denied the existence of Nibiru in 2012, which was the golden year for end of the world predictions from the ancient Mayan civilisation to Nostradamus, and there was even a terrible Hollywood film that starred John Cusack.

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Some people – people who apparently believe in imaginary planets – have taken the global natural disaster greatest hits collection of the last few months as a sign that the end is near.

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And it’s not just Mother Nature throwing her weight around, according to Meade the seven years of our existential demise is going to include a multiplayer nuclear war with the US, China, North Korea and Russia all getting involved.

Isn’t that something nice to look forward to?

Well, he’d better get this one right, because I hate shopping for Christmas presents.

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Tim Horner

Tim Horner is a senior sub-editor at UNILAD and not just because he was born in the 1980s. He graduated from University College Falmouth with a BA Journalism degree when the internet still consisted of Ceefax and Teletext and telephones were connected to the land.

Topics: Life

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