Everything You Need To Know About ‘Demisexuality’


You may have seen the word demisexuality doing the rounds online, and I can tell you it doesn’t mean an exclusive attraction to Demi Moore, neither does it mean you are somewhat of a demigod in bed.

Demisexuality is a term, first used in 2006, to describe the sexual orientation in which one feels sexual attraction only after forming an emotional connection.

Now you may think, ‘isn’t that everyone?’, and you’d be wrong because the difference between the common desire for a deep connection and demisexuality, is the latter has a complete absence of sexual feelings without the deep meaningful connection.

The orientation comes under the asexuality spectrum and it often means, while other people are experiencing sexual urges at the beginning of puberty, demisexuals feel nothing or very little.

According to the Demisexuality Resource Center, demisexuals are capable of sexual attraction, but only under specific circumstances and not on a regular basis.

So one-night-stands are a no go for demisexuals, also known as ‘semisexuality’ or ‘gray sexuality’.

One member wrote on the demisexuality forum:

I have been grappling with this issue on and off all my life tbh and have identified as many things in the past including bisexual, gay and straight, however that was never really “me” and I felt these labels weren’t a great fit, as for the most part these groups will still feel an attraction to strangers.
I was always conscious of the fact that I never, ever, feel attracted to people I pass in the street or see in magazines (unlike most people I know are) however, if I get to know someone and I feel they have a lot in common emotionally with me, there is a chance I may feel attracted to them.

But this is by no means a definite, it just has to be there in the first place for there to be any chance of it happening. But for the most part I am repulsed by sex. It’s as if something in my brain is saying “this person is sweaty and hairy, they probably had something disgusting for breakfast, and now they want to share their body with you. Why would you do that?”

I have only experienced sexual attraction to a handful of people in my life, and this was only after knowing them as a person and feeling I had a lot in common with them emotionally, or we have been through some of the same struggles etc. Then I read the description and definition of demisexuality and thought “that’s me” it describes me so much more closely term out there, definitely.

There is a miscommunication among the online community demisexuality just means you’re picky and have a low libido, but according to those experiencing it, it’s a very real orientation.

People with low libido as a result of hormone imbalance or medications tend to feel like something is missing out of whack, but this is not the case for demisexuals – they tend to see their experience of attraction as a unique part of them.