Let’s talk about poo. In particular, let’s talk about how it seems to be such a massive deal-breaker in relationships.
You know what I mean: ‘Should I go for a poo in their house?’ ‘Should I hold it in until I’m really uncomfortable and they’ve left?’ or the big one, ‘Should I poo in front of them?’
Okay, so maybe that last one is going a tad too far, but one woman recently had to deal with that dilemma when her boyfriend of one year demanded she poo in front of him to prove that she wasn’t cheating.
I know what you’re thinking. Mostly: ‘What?!’ ‘Why??’ and ‘?!?’ Trust me, I’m fully with you on this one. First of all, how could someone’s shit tell you whether they’ve been unfaithful or not?
Well, the man in question had concerns because he’d apparently found a massive dump in the toilet of her apartment. A dump so big that he couldn’t believe a woman had produced it, and immediately accused her of cheating.
The story initially got shared to Reddit in a now deleted post, but has since gone viral on Twitter after a screenshot was posted there.
My boyfriend [28M] wants me [27F] to take a dump in front of him to prove that I'm not cheating. pic.twitter.com/6C3sOwHn2V
— relationships.txt (@redditships) May 29, 2019
To break it down, the 27-year-old woman explains how her boyfriend, 28, regularly spends the night at her apartment and until recently, has never expressed any lack of trust in her.
Cut to this week, when the unknown woman decided to have a poo in her toilet (as you do), but forgot to flush. When her boyfriend came round that night, he went in the bathroom before emerging ‘with a completely dead look on his face’ and asked whose shit was in the toilet.
The woman described what happened next:
I was mortified and explained that I had forgotten to flush. But he just kept asking whose sh*t it was, to the point where it became obvious he wasn’t trying to tease me.
Then he said, ‘what guy shit in your toilet?’ By now, I was completely bewildered. I told him again that I had just forgotten to flush.
He replied that I was a liar, and that ‘no girl could take a dump that big’. He was completely serious.
At that, her boyfriend walked out ‘without another word’ and ignored her calls, only agreeing to meet her the next day for lunch – which is where he told her he was willing to give her a ‘second chance,’ if she could prove herself.
What did he mean by proving herself, you might be wondering? Yep, you guessed it, he wanted her to have a shit in front of him to prove that it looked like the one he saw in the toilet.
The woman ended her post saying she has ‘absolutely no idea what to do’, adding that she loves her boyfriend but this is ‘just too weird and bizarre and gross’.
It’s not known what happened in the end or whether a compromise was made, but hopefully the woman stood her ground and refused to do what he was asking.
That’s a red flag big enough to stool any relationship.
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A Broadcast Journalism Masters graduate who went on to achieve an NCTJ level 3 Diploma in Journalism, Lucy has done stints at ITV, BBC Inside Out and Key 103. While working as a journalist for UNILAD, Lucy has reported on breaking news stories while also writing features about mental health, cervical screening awareness, and Little Mix (who she is unapologetically obsessed with).