Ever since Happy Gilmore presented his coach Chubbs with the dismembered head of the beast who ate his hand, we’ve all known how dangerous alligators can be.
Even in death, an alligator can kill a man, and while fishing – which as far as I’m aware is as close to death anyone can be before passing this mortal coil – they can cause some pant-wettingly frightful scenarios.
Actually, you know what, I take that last bit back. I haven’t been fishing since I was about seven years old, and I’ll wager it’s a lot more entertaining than my childish brain could’ve comprehended at the time.
When you really think about it, fishing is enjoying something of a renaissance at the moment with Robson Green going Extreme Fishing over on Channel 5 and comedy legends Bob Mortimer and Paul Whitehouse on BBC2’s Gone Fishing. Fishing renaissance. Bet that’s something you never thought you’d read on here.
Speaking of surprises, that’s exactly what Lance Burgos got when he went out in his kayak while camping at Lake Fausse Pointe State Park, St. Martinville, Louisiana.
Paddling about, inspecting his lines, he pulls the floats out of the water, saying: ‘I think we’ve got a garfish, dude’.
Except there’s a little bit more than a garfish on the end of the line.
Oh my God that’s a big ass gator, buddy! That is a big gator!
A child can be heard crying out of shot behind Lance in the kayak.
In the interest of the world not going health and safety obsessed, I think we can all agree putting kids in kayaks within reach of alligators is a good thing.
In reaction to the surprise catch, Lance continued:
Oh holy God, that was right by me. Woo!
In fact, I’m kinda jealous my old man didn’t take me alligator fishing when I was younger but we don’t really get alligators round where I’m from.
The lack of alligators in Cornwall is made up by the abundance of sharks.
Yeah, I know you’re probably thinking ‘oh but they’re basking sharks, they’re harmless’ and to be honest, normally, I’d agree and be impressed by your shark knowledge.
But what’s that coming through the gorgeous waters of St Ives harbour? Bloody hell, pard, that looks suspiciously like a shark.
Officials have warned the public to stay out of the water for their safety.
The massive creature is thought to be either injured, or may have lost its bearings after chasing prey.
Experts believe – from footage submitted to them – it’s a blue shark, and have warned the public to keep their distance while it remains in the area.
John Richardson of the Shark Trust said:
[Blue sharks] are predominantly an oceanic, open water species, and not commonly found close to shore.
But it is certainly not unprecedented to see one in such shallow waters. To see a free-swimming blue shark close to shore like this is a real privilege.
If this shark remains in St Ives harbour, the Shark Trust advises people to give it plenty of space until it moves back offshore to its usual habitat.
If anyone’s wondering what’s the difference between an alligator, a crocodile and a Cornish shark, one will see you later, the other in a while and the shark dreckly.
Yeah, I did a Cornish joke. Sue me.
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Tim Horner is a sub-editor at UNILAD. He graduated with a BA Journalism from University College Falmouth before most his colleagues were born. A previous editor of adult mags, he now enjoys bringing the tone down in the viral news sector.