Guy Says Tinder Match Is ‘Thick As Two Planks’ After Just Two Messages

by : Tim Horner on : 10 Jan 2019 19:10
tinder tweets thick as plankstinder tweets thick as planks@sh_akes/Twitter/Getty

Tinder, the modern day minefield of awkward questions, jokes which don’t travel well over text, and occasionally a date or two.


You know how it is, you get a match, if you’re really lucky you’ll get a bit of patter between the two of you. Great signs of potential things to come.

And then after waiting for a decent bit of bants to show up at your door, the conversation takes a turn for the worse.

You put your foot in something, carelessly mention an ex, or one of the many other pratfalls that can come between two people bumping uglies through the magic which is online dating.


One man discovered the way to a girl’s heart isn’t through taking the piss out of their political thoughts or lack there of – to be more specific – after posting the gambit ‘Tories are scum’.

It started off all so innocent in the chat. Twitter user ‘Shakes’ explained he’d started getting into Harry Potter ‘until JK Rowling came out as a massive fucking Tory on Twitter’.

jk rowlingjk rowlingGetty

Emily’s reply, innocent enough, ‘So your [sic] into politics?’ came loaded with the dreaded face with rolling eyes emoji. Red flag, right there, fella.

Now this is probably where I’m going wrong in my Tindering, because Shakes followed it up with ‘I’m just into people not being driven to suicide because of Tory policies really. Tories are scum.’ Which I swear I’ve written in a message on Tinder.

‘I don’t really know anything about it tbf so I can’t comment’, Emily replied.

Thing is, when something like this comes up, best practice is to think ‘Alright, alright, you watch Bake Off?’ – or something else seemingly innocuous.

Family Guy, Quagmire on phoneFamily Guy, Quagmire on phoneGetty

Instead, Shakes channeled Debate Team Casanova, and wrote:

Do some reading. Politics affects everyone’s life in some way or another. Make sure you’re voting for what’s best for you.

Which is a boner kill. In the interests of equality I’m going to use my male privilege to assume women can also have lady-boner kills.

Emily shut him down saying, ‘I don’t really care’ which elicited Shakes’ reply of ‘Thick as two short planks.’ With a full stop.

Pretty sure the conversation was dead in the water after she said she didn’t care, but I’m glad we’ve got clarification this one’s game over by that use of punctuation.

The replies to the tweet have been coming in thick and fast and unsurprisingly, split between those in support of Shakes’ online dating approach, and those aghast someone could act/think in such a way.

Ain’t adulting fun!

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Tim Horner

Tim Horner is a sub-editor at UNILAD. He graduated with a BA Journalism from University College Falmouth before most his colleagues were born. A previous editor of adult mags, he now enjoys bringing the tone down in the viral news sector.

Topics: Life, Sex and Relationships


  1. Shakes/Twitter