A Norwegian man just topped all your nightmare Ikea furniture assembly stories.
Claus Jørstad wrote a long, detailed message on the Ikea Norway Facebook page, explaining the disturbing details of how he unintentionally got his testicles stuck in a small hole on the company’s chair.
According to the Daily Dot, 45-year-old Claus wrote to Ikea:
Sitting there and noticing the accident, I bent down to see what the f*ck happened, I realised the little nutter has got stuck.
Why was Claus using a stool in the shower? Well he had suffered a knee injury an thought the MARIUS stool was going to be his saviour, but the hot water from the shower caused his testicles to expand.
When he tried to small yet sturdy plastic stool out in store, it seemed so ideal for his needs. Of course he could never try it out naked in store.
At the time of purchase, he probably even thought the holes would be great so that the stool didn’t collect water. Retrospect is a beautiful thing.
Referring to his nether-regions as ‘the skipper and two sailors’, Claus explained that as the water got hot, his body temperature increased and, consequently, so did the size of his balls. Eventually, one became stuck in the chair and he couldn’t move. Ouch.
And as I couldn’t move, I started pondering how the hell I was gonna get outta the mess. After a lot of pondering forth and back, I realised I had no bloody ideas.
But he wasn’t stuck for long. Claus continued:
The water turned cold by itself. So I started freezing. The water got cold. Even more cold than my mother-in-law’s smile when I married her daughter.
As we all know, cold water brings shrinkage of balls, and served to free Claus and his ‘sailors’.
Ikea hilariously responded on Facebook:
Hey Claus. We recommend that you take the stool out of the shower…if you choose to keep it in the shower, make sure you are well dressed for your next sea excursion.
They also suggested taking the stool out of the shower and using it to hold a nice flower pot, but Claus posted a photo of his own solution: a washcloth draped across the chair to cover the wholes. He nicknamed it ‘weinermonkey’ – probably to prevent any future mishaps.
It’s not the first complaint Ikea have had that’s ended up being the fault of the buyer.
Marie Stent bought a £40 toilet seat from the Swedish superstore. It had all the right functions – being a comfortable to place to sit while taking a dump – but the problem was that it advertised itself as white. The go-to classic colour for toilet seats across the globe.
However Marie was absolutely livid when she unravelled the bad-boy to find that it wasn’t white at all and she’d already thrown away the receipt.
So Mum bought a £40 toilet seat from ikea, gets home and starts freaking out because it’s bright blue and she’s chucked away the receipt.. after about 30 mins of accepting it she’s finally got her head around the idea of having a blue toilet, until I come and read the label ? pic.twitter.com/50OXqJo4wN
— Amber (@amber_stent) April 1, 2018
Posting to Twitter, Marie’s daughter Amber explained that the seat was indeed white but covered in a blue protective film. Duh.
We hope that the wash cloth served to save his balls from any future sticky situations.
Yet another excuse not to buy flatpack.
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