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Mum Accidentally Buys Cocaine-Filled Mermaid Doll As A Gift For Daughter

by : Charlie Cocksedge on : 31 Dec 2019 15:47
Mum Accidentally Buys Cocaine-Filled Mermaid Doll As A Gift For DaughterMum Accidentally Buys Cocaine-Filled Mermaid Doll As A Gift For DaughterElizabeth Faidley/Facebook

A concerned mum has recounted the time she accidentally bought a cocaine-filled doll for her daughter as a Christmas present.

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After buying the intriguing mermaid doll on Etsy, mum Elizabeth Faidley and her daughter Ellie were rather disappointed when a ‘hideous’ doll with scaly skin, green hair and ‘creepy eyes’ arrived, rather than the ‘real merbaby’ they were expecting.

In a bid to make the doll – named Pearl – more appealing, Elizabeth suggested they dye its hair blonde. However, two packets of hair dye later, and the doll was looking no better. After a quick search online, Elizabeth then discovered a ‘doll and teddy bear hospital’ in Secaucus, New Jersey, and decided they’d send the doll there for a makeover instead.

Mum Accidentally Buys Cocaine-Filled Mermaid Doll As A Gift For DaughterMum Accidentally Buys Cocaine-Filled Mermaid Doll As A Gift For DaughterElizabeth Faidley/Facebook

Regaling friends and followers on Facebook with the saga, Elizabeth wrote:

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I call them immediately and discover it is run by a group of very strict and serious Germans. They take their doll and teddy bear hospital very seriously. They are interested in seeing Pearl’s “condition” and then will give me an estimate for all of the cosmetic work that needs to be done to make her “lovable”.

[…] I pack Pearl up in a box and address it the doll hospital. I tell Ellie that Pearl is going off to the hospital to have her face and hair “adjusted.” Ellie wisely informs me that “Pearl has even greater problems than those.” Then, she proceeds write on the box, “Please, please, help this doll. She has so many problems.” [sic]

After a few tense weeks of minimal contact from the doll hospital, and assuming Pearl was beyond repair, Elizabeth received a message from the Secaucus Police Department, saying they needed to speak to her ‘immediately’.

Posted by Elizabeth Faidley on Monday, December 23, 2019

After heading down to the station, Elizabeth revealed:

The Detective tells me that the Germans called the the police down to the doll hospital that morning. When they removed Pearl’s head to repaint her offensive skin, they found 2 ounces of COCAINE. STUFFED IN HER HEAD. The detective first suggests that the drugs are mine. I adamantly argue, and insist that I have never seen cocaine in my life. He relents, agreeing that it would be strange for me to stuff cocaine in a doll’s head and then ship it off to an expensive doll hospital. [sic]

She continued:

Then, in what is probably the strangest conversation of my life, the detective asked me what was “up” with Pearl. Did a weird uncle put drugs in Pearl’s head 30 years ago and then I inherited Pearl? I explained what Ellie wanted for Christmas, how I found Pearl on ETSY, and why I shipped her off to the Germans. The detective then said, “You spent money on this doll? Have you ever heard of Ariel? She is a pretty mermaid. You can buy her at any Disney store.” And I said, “DETECTIVE, Ariel is a GROWN UP Mermaid. Ellie wanted a BABY mermaid. She will not be fooled by a fake baby mermaid!” [sic]

After even more explaining, the New Jersey Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) ran Elizabeth’s entire family through their system, eventually confirming none of her family have any drug convictions, and believing the cocaine did not come from them.

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Mum Accidentally Buys Cocaine-Filled Mermaid Doll As A Gift For DaughterMum Accidentally Buys Cocaine-Filled Mermaid Doll As A Gift For DaughterElizabeth Faidley/Facebook

The DEA then explain they have to keep the cocaine and Pearl herself as evidence, and are planning to run a ‘sting’ operation on the doll’s manufacturer in Alabama.

Elizabeth concluded:

Everything we do for our children….we try to get the best Christmas gift and accidentally buy a mermaby stuffed with cocaine and become embroiled in an international drug smuggling ring.

I hope all of your holidays, Christmases, New Years, are exactly what you planned. And are mermaid-and-drug-free. And if cocaine accidentally shows up under your tree, know that I understand and that you tried your best. [sic]

Careful what you buy online, folks!

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Charlie Cocksedge

Charlie Cocksedge is a journalist and sub-editor at UNILAD. He graduated from the University of Manchester with an MA in Creative Writing, where he learnt how to write in the third person, before getting his NCTJ. His work has also appeared in such places as The Guardian, PN Review and the bin.

Topics: Life, Christmas, cocaine, daughter, doll, Drugs, Mermaid, mum

Credits

Elizabeth Faidley/Facebook
  1. Elizabeth Faidley/Facebook

    @elizabeth.faidley.7