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One In 10 People Using Phone While Pooping End Up Masturbating

by : Cameron Frew on : 07 Apr 2020 14:37
American Pie Toilet ThumbUniversal Pictures/Shutterstock

For some people, nothing complements their daily arsequake like spanking the monkey.   

The toilet is a happy place; away from the stresses of the real world, it’s a sanctum dedicated to relief. In there, you can unload an icky tummy while blissfully reading a magazine, scrolling on your phone or doing absolutely nothing at all. Peace and quiet.

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Across our lifetimes, men and women will pass more than 11,000 kilograms of sh*t. That amounts to around 92 days just on the pan, and with that abundance of privacy, some invite Pam and her five sisters along for the ride.

There’s no reason to be ashamed of our bathroom habits – hence the efforts of QS Supplies with its ‘Tweeting On The Toilet’ study, which surveyed more than 1,000 Brits and Americans about what they get up to in the loo.

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With the advent of smartphones, practically everyone is prone to a scroll on social media while dropping a deuce. A number of activities were deemed acceptable by the respondents, including texting (67%), listening to music (nearly 65.7%), playing mobile games (65.4%) and replying to emails (about 52.7%).

Zoom has seen a surge in popularity while many are at home – as such, 26.5% think it’s okay to work on the toilet, with around one in 10 also allowing video chats.

QS Supplies Toilet HabitsQS Supplies

There’s a huge number of apps for people to chose from as they relax: while pooping, 42% use social media, 40.3% play games, 33.6% use entertainment apps (like Netflix or Disney+), 30.5% browse the day’s news and 21.6% indulge in some online shopping (respondents spent an average of £49 while defecating).

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However, this is the staggering revelation: of those on entertainment apps, 11% end up having a wank. That’s just over a tenth of people out there, resorting to a bit of self-love while watching stuff on their phones, as their butt is caked in poop.

Jeff Daniels Dumb and Dumber 2New Line Cinema

No judgement here, but for the love of all that’s holy, I hope they wash their hands before getting their mitts on the merchandise.

Not everyone is so private about their excrement voyages: 7% of respondents said they sent someone a picture of their poo, while 5% have sent a nude photo while sh*tting.

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American PieAmerican PieUniversal Pictures

Of the social media apps getting the most scroll-time, Facebook reigns supreme, with 44.9% of respondents opting for it over the other networks. In second place is Instagram (35.1%), closely followed by YouTube (31.7%) and Twitter (25.2%). It’s a particularly popular pastime among Generation Z, with 68.8% spending time on social media on the toilet.

Books are also a recurring choice of toilet-dwellers, with 53% deciding to pick up a good page-turner (although, it’s far more common in baby boomers compared to millennials and Gen Z).

QS Supplies Hiding Toilet NoisesQS Supplies
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Unfortunately, going for a number two isn’t always the quietest affair, with nearly 70% of respondents admitting to hiding embarrassing noises. Of the methods, 46.9% turn on the taps, 34.6% try to cough and 26.2% lay toilet paper in the bowl ahead of sitting down (to soften to splash of the jobby).

Whatever you do on the toilet is your business – just keep yourself (and your member) clean, at least.

If you have a story you want to tell, send it to UNILAD via [email protected]

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Cameron Frew

After graduating from Glasgow Caledonian University with an NCTJ and BJTC-accredited Multimedia Journalism degree, Cameron ventured into the world of print journalism at The National, while also working as a freelance film journalist on the side, becoming an accredited Rotten Tomatoes critic in the process. He's now left his Scottish homelands and taken up residence at UNILAD as a journalist.

Topics: Health, Masturbation, toilet

Credits

QS Supplies
  1. QS Supplies

    Tweeting On The Toilet