Aside from lifts, public transport is possibly the worst place to break wind.
Usually, even if you are in the unfortunate position of inhaling someone else’s gases in a confined spaces, and you’re pretty certain you know who dealt it, you don’t normally get an apology because we’re human and have been conditioned into playing down our flatulence.
On the other hand, if you are the perpetrator of such odious odours, you’re rarely going to own up to it no matter how proud you are of your stupendous stench. Conversely, if you do enjoy farting on other people, apparently it’s not bullying, according to a judge in Australia.
One person in Derbyshire, however, was seemingly so overcome by the guilt of breaking wind on a public bus, they felt the need to take to social media to issue an apology.
Written on the Spotted Alvaston Facebook page, the person who pooted on a public bus issued an explanation and apology to those who were affected by the acrid aroma.
My apologise [sic] to the people on the bus from blue Peter to Derby this morning. I had 8 pints and a kebab before bed last night.
I had terrible flatulence.. And afraid one slipped out very loudly. 4 people turned round in their seats to look at me. To be fair, it felt like I was on The Voice.
At least the bus didn’t have to be evacuated.
Which is unfortunately what happened in a debate room at the Kenyan regional assembly, when a speaker seemingly let rip with a stink so foul the whole room had to be evacuated before the debate could continue.
Debate fart-gate happened last month, where member Julius Gaya reportedly told Homa Bay county assembly:
Honourable Speaker, one of us has polluted the air and I know who it is.
Naturally denying the stinky accusations, the member accused of farting replied:
I am not the one. I cannot do such a thing in front of my colleagues.
The assembly’s Speaker, Edwin Kakach, then told members to take a break outside the chamber. Kakach asked officials to get air fresheners ‘to make it pleasant. Get whatever flavour you will find in any office, whether it’s vanilla or strawberry,’ BBC News reports.
The speaker added:
We cannot continue sitting in an environment that smells bad.
The smell eventually subsided, allowing the debate to continue. However, the mystery of who pooted still remains.
Whoever smelt it dealt it?
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Charlie Cocksedge is a journalist at UNILAD. He graduated from the University of Manchester with an MA in Creative Writing, where he learnt how to write in the third person, before getting his NCTJ. His work has also appeared in such places as The Guardian, PN Review and the bin.