Little Prince Louis, the week old baby whose life will be infinitely better than yours, has had his birth certificate released.
Like anybody’s birth certificate the sheet of paper states that Louis was born in Westminster, specifically St Mary’s Hospital, Praed Street, Westminster, on April 23.
It also states that his sex is male, not female.
However the segment of the certificate that’s got most people talking is the section which states the job titles of both William and Kate.
Just what is it that the married couple do? I, personally don’t really know, well – until now. Because this explains absolutely everything.
Father’s occupation: Prince of the United Kingdom. Mother’s occupation: Princess of the United Kingdom.
So that’s that. That’s their actual job titles. Personally, I’m not quite sure what a Prince and Princess do. State visits and occasionally waving hello from a carriage I guess. Not the worst job in the world.
More specifically, according to the Prince of Wales, a Prince and Princess’ main goal is…
[…] to support ‘Her Majesty The Queen’ as the focal point of national pride, unity, and allegiance, and bringing people together across all sections of society, representing stability and continuity, highlighting achievement, and emphasising the importance of service and the voluntary sector by encouragement and example.
‘The focal point of national pride’. Out of all the things this country has to be proud of – admittedly it also has a helluva lot of stuff to be not so proud of – the above claims The Queen is the focal point.
That living tourist attraction is the focal point of national pride? We’ve got the NHS, Yorkshire puddings, drinking culture, fry ups, sarcasm, and David Attenborough. Yet apparently our monarch boots all these into the long grass.
While countless children grow up dreaming of becoming a prince or princess, William and Kate are actually living their bizarre dream.
I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to be a prince – aside from that time I got upset when Ryan Brown was picked to play Prince Charming in the school play and not me. To this day I’ve no idea why.
Another amusing little detail on the birth certificate is this. Usual Address: Kensington Palace London. What a strange life these people live.
Apparently though, the real question here is just how on Earth do you pronounce his name. Is it Louis, Lewis, Lewes, or Looooooooweeeeeeeeeee.
Well let’s waste no more time and introduce you to his mother, and she can instruct you on the perfect way to pronounce your week-old superior prince’s name.
Like a time-travelling Rachel Riley, here’s Kate Middleton circa 2011 on her wedding day, and if you skip to 4.30 in the video, she’ll be just about ready to tell you how to pronounce her third child’s name:
But but but, how? Louis wasn’t born then. I know. But because the Royal Family seem to name all their spawn with the same handful of names their ancestors had before them, it should come as no surprise for you to learn Prince William’s name also has a Louis in it.
Give me a Prince Keith any day!
So that’s what his name is. Loowee. Prince Loowee.
Other famous Loowee’s include Loowee Tomlinson, Loowee Walsh, Loowee Theroux, and Loowee Vuitton to name but a few.
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Joseph Loftus is a Gold Standard NCTJ journalist with four years experience working for international and regional press.
As well as working for UNILAD and LADbible, Joseph has worked as Liverpool Correspondent for Unsigned & Independent Magazine, as well as stints with the Liverpool Echo and Warrington Guardian.