Size 14 Woman Shares Abusive Fat-Shaming Messages She Gets From Dating Matches

by : Emily Brown on : 16 Sep 2019 11:41
Woman receives fat shaming messages on TinderKennedy News and Media

A woman has considered giving up on online dating after receiving a number of fat-shaming messages from men. 

Jess Smith recently returned to online dating apps after breaking up with her boyfriend of 10 months, who she met on the site Plenty of Fish.


The 26-year-old stated in her online profile she was looking for a ‘gentleman’ but dozens of nasty messages began flooding her inbox every week.

Woman shares fat shaming messagesKennedy News and Media

Some matches sent sexually explicit opening messages and others sent horrible comments about Jess’ weight. The Tinder user is a size 14 – a size smaller than the British average, according to The Independent – but weight or dress size, no matter what it may be, is never an excuse for fat-shaming.

Jess, who works as a debt collector, recalled one exchange in which she rebuffed a Tinder match for asking for nude photos of her and he responded by calling her a ‘one [out of 10] on a good day’.


She said:

He actually swiped right for me so he obviously liked my pictures.

If you speak inappropriately to me, you’re going to get unmatched.

Woman shares fat shaming messagesKennedy News and Media

The 26-year-old told the man to be more respectful, to which he responded ‘I don’t know who you think you’re talking to’. Jess pointed out he wasn’t ‘God’s gift’ and said he was ‘barely a six out of 10’; a comment which riled her match.


The man responded:

If you’re serious about finding someone get your arse down the gym and stop using filters. And lay off them doughnuts to [sic].

Jess described his reaction as a ‘low blow’, saying ‘you wouldn’t walk up to someone in the street and tell them they’re fat.’

Woman shares fat shaming messagesKennedy News and Media

She added:

He just didn’t like when I called him out for being cocky and rude. I’m a size 14. That’s less than the British average. Even if it was [bigger than the average], nobody has the right to say that to you.

The young woman has considered giving up on dating apps but she feels it would be hard to meet someone elsewhere, explaining ‘it’s the same with everyone – you’re working or you’re busy.’

While apps allow users to meet new people without spending ‘hours and hours out and about’, Jess said they’re ‘getting inconvenient for people because they’re getting abused on there.’


One message called her ‘fatty’, while another user said they hoped Jess would find ‘a nice wife beater’.

Woman shares fat shaming messagesKennedy News and Media

The 26-year-old doesn’t take the rude messages to heart and instead tries to make her matches see why their comments are hurtful by asking what their mother would think of them.

She explained the ability to hide behind a screen enables people to send abusive messages as it’s easy to pretend they’re not speaking to another human being. In reality, the comments could be affecting the recipient more than the sender realises.

Jess said:

I just laugh it off and think it’s so pathetic. But there are people out there who it will hit deeper.

People think it’s acceptable to say stuff because you’re behind a screen. I don’t consider myself to be unattractive but if I’ve upset somebody I’m suddenly the ugliest person in the world.

Woman shares fat shaming photosKennedy News and Media

The 26-year-old continued:

For all they know, I could have lost 15 stone and be at the skinniest I’ve ever been. I could be a bulimic or anorexic or on medication. There’s a bigger picture.

The ignorance of people… Their mentality doesn’t stretch as far as thinking you’re talking to an actual human.

Online dating is so dangerous nowadays because people don’t care what they say. People can be anyone they want to be.

It can be all too easy for people to send hateful messages without thinking of the consequences, but even the smallest comment can play on people’s mind and have a harmful knock-on effect.

Hopefully Jess will find the gentleman she’s looking for soon enough!

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Emily Brown

Emily Brown first began delivering important news stories aged just 13, when she launched her career with a paper round. She graduated with a BA Hons in English Language in the Media from Lancaster University, and went on to become a freelance writer and blogger. Emily contributed to The Sunday Times Travel Magazine and Student Problems before becoming a journalist at UNILAD, where she works on breaking news as well as longer form features.

Topics: Health, body positivity, body shaming, fat shaming, Online Dating, Tinder


The Independent
  1. The Independent