Throughout history, despite providing everyone with laughs and making us look super-cool, swearing has been slated as thick, backwards and unbecoming. A hobby for those who can’t form a coherent or amusing point without the aid of an eff or a Jeff.
Well, thank f*ck they’ve been proved wrong by science, the bunch of f*cking smarmy c*nts.
So stick your stupid a** down in the dunce corner and listen up while some grown ups teach you to loosen your tongue as much as your mum’s is…
Studies show that swearing does in fact display more intelligence rather than less.
Essentially, we swear for the following purposes: linguistic effect, conveying emotion, for banter, and of course to be a deliberately mean-spirited tw*t.
A study by psychologists from Marist College, Poughkeepsie, NY, discovered they found a link between how fluent a person is in the English language and how fluent they are when calling people a f*cking d*ckhead.
The English language fluency was measured by asking volunteers to think of as many words beginning with a certain letter as they could in one minute.
Those with the greater language skills could think of more examples in the 60 second timeframe but also came up trumps when asked how many different swear words they could think of in another minute.
In conclusion, people who have a whole plethora of obscene words right on the tips of their tongue are actually cleverer than those who say ‘bugger’ and ‘trollop’ and ‘fancy that!’
Here’s some other stuff swearing’s good for while you’re here…
Wanna get so mad-juiced your teeth develop triceps and you make your family cry at Christmas? Then get swearing, bro.
You think your carnivore diet and bench presses are guaranteeing you a swole frame when in reality, it’s berating a random member of the general public with swear words that is the cheat-code to #musclenation.
Two studies presented at a British Psychological Society’s conference showed that volunteers produced more power while doing a cycling task after swearing out loud than when they remained zip-lipped.
You’ve probably already heard this one before but swearing while experiencing discomfort actually makes things better. Research undertaken by Science Alert asked volunteers to hold their hand in iced water for as long as they could, while repeating a cuss word.
They then did the same thing but this time repeating a clean word. In conclusion, they found that those swore rated the ice as less f*cking freezing and showed a greater increase in heart rate than those who repeated a clean word.
GETTING ALL THE GIRLS
Pick-up artists get it wrong, and not just when it comes to the predatory nature of their tactics. Orally, it’s all off. They’d have you think that talking about coffee and directions and being quirky are what it takes to come across as attractive to the potential partners.
This is all nonsense. Simply stand around near someone who tickles your fancy (don’t approach them during a big shop on a Saturday) and say something like, ‘F*cking hell. Where’s a good f*cking place to get a f*cking drink around this f*cking sh*thole of a city?’ Aviators and a straight will help but aren’t necessary.
If this doesn’t work, don’t @ me.