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This Is Why Statues Always Have Small Dicks

by : UNILAD on : 07 Jul 2016 20:20
face penisface penisFlickr / Imgur

If you’ve ever been to an art gallery then chances are you’ve seen a sculpture of a man, probably with the best abs, pecs, and glutes in the world, and the most defined muscles you’ve ever seen.

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Chances are that same statue has a tiny cock.

But instead of just gazing at the minuscule manhood with a big grin on your face as you mentally compare yourself to the marble micropenis – have you ever actually wondered why almost every old statue is graced with a rather underwhelming appendage?

800px-latleta_di_fano800px-latleta_di_fanoFlickr

Neither had I until recently, but the reasoning behind it as actually quite fascinating.

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According to How To Talk About Art History, it turns out that back in the day bigger was not always better at all.

In fact, bigger was actually frowned upon – as the majority felt a big penis was synonymous with a man who was ‘foolish, lustful, and ugly’ – according to art historian Ellen Oredsson.

Back in the ancient era’s, the smaller a penis was, the more rational and intellectual the owner was – apparently.

netuno19bnetuno19bImgur

And these ideals were even documented in ancient literature, such as in Clouds by Aristophanes, when he writes:

If you do these things I tell you, and bend your efforts to them, you will always have a shining breast, a bright skin, big shoulders, a minute tongue, a big rump and a small prick. But if you follow the practices of today, for a start you’ll have a pale skin, small shoulders, a skinny chest, a big tongue, a small rump, a big prick and a long-winded decree.

People of time gone by also believed that if a man’s phallus was infinitesimal then there was a far ‘bigger’ chance he’d use his brain more than his cock.

Which is why statues such as David looked like this:

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david_von_michelangelodavid_von_michelangeloFlickr

And statues of fools had looked like this:

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Another reason worth mentioning is that when sculpting became an art-form many of the pioneers behind the movement spent their time carving defined muscles, bone, and facial features rather than sexual organs.

But that isn’t contradictory to the belief that bigger was not better in Ancient Greece and Rome.

Unfortunately, if you have a micropenis in the modern era, then hopping in a time machine and becoming a figure of high society and desirable wisdom isn’t all that simple, but what you can do is pick up a few tips on how to work with you’ve got.

Topics: Life

Credits

How To Talk About Art History
  1. How To Talk About Art History

    “Why do all old statues have such small penises?” (NSFW)