As a raving connoisseur of ‘Would You Rather’, one of my all time favourites (which I’m happy to put in writing) is, would you rather find out how you’re going to die or when you’re going to die?
Either way the answer is going to be pretty shitty. There’s literally no good answer. ‘Hoorah, I’m going to live until 81’. ‘Woo, I die in my sleep’. ‘Yay, I’m going to fall down the stairs and sever my spine’.
Fortunately for nihilists, pessimists, and hapless Lotharios of fatality across the globe – one prince of darkness from America has put together a handy chart that uses science to tell you the most likely way you’re going to die, according to The Sun.
The online graph, which can be found on FlowingData, was created by Nathan Yau, a statistician at UCLA, and uses your age, gender, and ethnicity to give you a colourful list of the most probable ways you’ll meet your end.
Luckily for me, according to the test, external causes will fuck me up if I die before 50 – so I can look forward to getting ploughed into by a lorry when I’m crossing the road. If I’m fortunate enough to get past 50 then my hearts going to pack in apparently… I’ve got a lot to look forward to.
Bring it on.
Joseph Loftus is a Gold Standard NCTJ journalist with four years experience working for international and regional press.
As well as working for UNILAD and LADbible, Joseph has worked as Liverpool Correspondent for Unsigned & Independent Magazine, as well as stints with the Liverpool Echo and Warrington Guardian.