I’ve never owned a gun and don’t plan on doing so in the future, but I imagine, fairly near the top of the manual titled ‘Gun Safety 101’ that comes with every gun (right?), would be ‘try not to accidentally shoot yourself in the dick and balls’.
But, y’know, a lot of people don’t read the instructions when they buy stuff. Who needs instructions anyway? I didn’t buy this thing just to be told what to do by a piece of paper, thank you very much!
Sometimes, though, instructions are there for our own safety, as one Mr Mark Anthony Jones found out the hard way.
Marion Police Department revealed the unfortunate story on their Facebook page, sharing a press release which read:
RE: Accidental Self-inflicted Gunshot
On February 28, 2019 at approximately 6:44 am, officers of the Marion Police Department responded to the emergency room department of the Marion General Hospital for an accidental self-inflicted gunshot injury.
Officers met with Mark Anthony Jones, age 46, in the emergency department. Jones reported that he was walking on the walkway near the Girl Scout cabin. Jones reported that the Hi Point 9mm handgun he was carrying in his waistband (without a holster) began to slip. He reached down to adjust the gun and the gun discharged. The bullet entered just above his penis and exited his scrotum.
Jones doesn’t have an Indiana Handgun License. This case will be sent to the Grant Co. Prosecutors office for review.
So, not only did he shoot himself in his meat and two veg, he didn’t have a license for his gun (no wonder he didn’t read the instructions). Which means, if the pain and humiliation of shooting yourself like that isn’t enough, he’s also going to be punished by law for it.
Remember the days when people would walk around with their mobile phones clipped to their belts? They were in little cases, or a pouch or something? I wonder if there’s an equivalent thing for a gun…
Then again, maybe just wanted to look really cool shoving a gun down his pants, like this guy:
You can see where the guy went wrong here. He shouldn’t have bent down. But also, he shouldn’t have pointed a gun at his crotch.
I suppose the moral of the story is stay away from guns altogether. Or, if you have to, at least get yourself a holster and do not, under any circumstances, stick one down your pants.
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Charlie Cocksedge is a journalist at UNILAD. He graduated from the University of Manchester with an MA in Creative Writing, where he learnt how to write in the third person, before getting his NCTJ. His work has also appeared in such places as The Guardian, PN Review and the bin.