Whelming Is The New Online Dating Trend That’s Overtaken Ghosting

by : Emily Brown on : 01 Feb 2020 11:18
Whelming Is The New Online Dating Trend That's Overtaken GhostingNetflix/Universal Pictures

The world of online dating is a messy and complicated one, often relying on first impressions, subtle implications and mind games. 

To be honest, a lot of the time it seems more effort than it’s worth. The stress of coming up with a conversation starter and then waiting an appropriate amount of time to respond so you don’t look too keen – it’s a minefield, and that’s way before you even set eyes on them in real life.


It doesn’t get any easier when the conversation starts to flow, either. At that point, singletons have the pressure of keeping their match interested, so the responses don’t trickle off into nothingness.

Girl on phonePexels

Most terrifyingly, though, is the threat of falling victim to the strange ‘trends’ of online dating. I’m sure we’re all familiar with the term ‘ghosting’, for example, when a match completely cuts off all contact without explanation in order to get out of a blossoming relationship.

Ghosting is a particularly brutal way to tell someone you don’t like them, but now a new trend appears to have taken daters by storm, and it’s potentially even worse than ghosting.


The new tactic, ‘whelming’, is when a prospective partner you’ve matched with online spends all their time talking about their other matches, in an attempt to make themselves seem in-demand and ‘overwhelmed’ with options.

It’s a very odd tactic – one that is presumably intended to make the match jealous. But dating is hard enough as it is, people don’t want to have to fight multiple other potential partners in order to be the ‘chosen one’.

‘Whelming’ is also pretty nonsensical, because if you were so overwhelmed with matches then surely you’d just stop swiping and focus on following up with the eligible singletons you’d already found?

Couple holding handsPixabay

One woman who witnessed ‘whelming’ in action had a match asking her for dating advice, while others found their matches literally complaining about the amount of conversations they were trying to juggle.

Speaking to SELF, dating app user Quinyetta B said:

I’ve matched with quite a few men who have felt the need to tell me that they have so many matches and that they’re overwhelmed.


Quinyetta found one man becoming unresponsive, and when she asked why, he said:

I’m going on dates with a lot of women and… it’s really difficult to make sure that I’m talking to everybody that wants to talk to me. You wouldn’t understand.

Man on phonePixabay

Needless to say, people who use this tactic probably aren’t worth pursuing. Though online dating is all about finding the person who’s right for you, you don’t want to have to compete for attention.


Hopefully ‘whelming’ is a trend that will die a quick death – dating doesn’t need to be any harder than it already is!

If you have a story you want to tell, send it to UNILAD via [email protected]

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Emily Brown

Emily Brown first began delivering important news stories aged just 13, when she launched her career with a paper round. She graduated with a BA Hons in English Language in the Media from Lancaster University, and went on to become a freelance writer and blogger. Emily contributed to The Sunday Times Travel Magazine and Student Problems before becoming a journalist at UNILAD, where she works on breaking news as well as longer form features.

Topics: Life, Bumble, Dating, hinge, Online Dating, Relationships, Tinder


  1. SELF

    ‘Whelming’ Is the New Online Dating Habit That’s Making Me Want to Throw Away My Phone