Woman Live Tweets Her Attempts To Pick Up Her Uber Driver, Fails Miserably

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Twitter/Kelli Amirah

Uber drivers come in all shapes and sizes, from likeable to lovable by way of charming, and when this woman fell under the spell of her cabbie she decided to take her shot.

Kelli Amirah, a shy retiring student in Washington DC, bravely took a chance on a stranger in the name of romance.

Documenting the adventure from start to finish in 38 short tweets, Kelli narrated the whole hilarious tale of overcoming fear and looking for love – with an exam thrown in there for good measure.

It all started on Saturday night, when Kelli and her friends ordered an Uber to take them to a party.

Kelli immediately fancied the driver – and perhaps this moment can, in hindsight, be selected as her first mistake.

[tweet https://twitter.com/KelliAmirah/status/806186789195096065?lang=en-gb conversation=”false”]

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Small talk flowing and the plot begins to thicken as the friends approach the party, calling a possibly untimely end to this modern fairytale.

Kelli’s genius plan is straight out of the game book of many a young lover: Leave an item at the scene of romance, forcing your target to return it to you, thus creating another oh-so casual meeting.

[tweet https://twitter.com/KelliAmirah/status/806192419536572416?lang=en-gb conversation=”false”]

[tweet https://twitter.com/KelliAmirah/status/806193172523192321?lang=en-gb conversation=”false”]

Kelli, initially confident, continues:

… and then it goes to voicemail. But I wasn’t too hurt cuz it’s also like 1 am. I leave a message and decide to try again tomorrow

So the next day I still haven’t heard shit back from this man. Mind you, I left my good charger in his car so my phone battery on struggle.

Ready to take the loss, defeated and questioning her sanity, Kelli finally resorts to reuniting with her charger through the usual route.

But, with a mightily delayed response from the cabbie Casanova, things started to look up for Kelli.

[tweet https://twitter.com/KelliAmirah/status/806197826069950465?lang=en-gb conversation=”false”]

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So fast forward and Kelli, after spending the whole night studying was ‘up at the ass crack of morning’, tired, stressed and, in her words, ‘a mess, honestly’.

[tweet https://twitter.com/KelliAmirah/status/806202539981111298?lang=en-gb conversation=”false”]

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A shy Kelli explains to her followers that these spontaneous, romantic lengths were out of character:

Now this entire time I’m texting all my friends trying to figure out how I’m gonna shoot this shot. I’m shy and just trash at shooting shots

[tweet https://twitter.com/KelliAmirah/status/806215839183675392?lang=en-gb conversation=”false”]

[tweet https://twitter.com/KelliAmirah/status/806216689176166400?lang=en-gb conversation=”false”]

Writing up the encounter, Kelli said:

So I get to the car and knock on the passenger side window and he rolls it down. My anxiety… through the roof.

So I say hey and he’s like “oh hey wassup” and looks for my charger for .2 sec before handing it to me.

Now I have a good ass look at his face & I’m like he too fine, I can’t back down. So I’m thanking him for bringing it & he’s like no problem.

I can tell he’s about to make moves to leave so it’s now or never. Time to actually shoot this shot.

[tweet https://twitter.com/KelliAmirah/status/806218803952619520?lang=en-gb conversation=”false”]

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After the long and winding tale, at least we can take solace in the unrelenting power of love… Or so we thought

Posting an update Kelli flouts all of our faith and hope in humanity, tweeting:

This man is married. Has a whole ass wife. What. I’m really just sitting here so befuddled…

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Befuddled, exhausted, down-trodden: All the biggest understatements of 2016.

We were rooting for you so much, Kelli. Never change.


Francesca Donovan

Francesca Donovan

A former emo kid who talks too much about 8Chan meme culture, the Kardashian Klan, and how her smartphone is probably killing her. Francesca is a Cardiff University Journalism Masters grad who has done words for BBC, ELLE, The Debrief, DAZED, an art magazine you've never heard of and a feminist zine which never went to print.