A woman took control of her love life in the most hilarious and self-deprecatingly desperate way when she sent her crush a Powerpoint presentation of why he should date her.
University of Minnesota student Lizzy Fenton is well versed in such presentations for her genetics and cell biology course, but not so much in the language of love.
To be fair, she put forward a great case, citing her ‘steadily growing breasts’ and stable finances as winning traits.
I just emailed this powerpoint to my crush Carter do you think it'll work :// pic.twitter.com/xHN1bYSdL6
— Lizzy Fenton (@LizzyFenton) March 27, 2017
The presentation begins with a slide titled ‘sick of your family nagging you to get a serious girlfriend? Look no further’.
Lizzy then calls herself a ‘tantalizing conversationalist’ and promises to ‘win the approval of your mother’.
The next hilarious slide bullet points how the versatility of her hair means that dating Lizzy is like having three different girlfriends…ideal for those not wanting to tie themselves down to one girl…
By far the best slide is the one which includes a graph of Lizzy’s boob growth.
She performed two statistical analysis tests to prove her breasts would grow larger with time, concluding that they will ‘be roughly the circumference of a human head by 2025’.
Of course there was perfectly annotated photo evidence to prove it…
Then Lizzy gets really practical and makes the point that she is financially stable so Carter wouldn’t have to worry about paying for every date.
She also makes the important point that she is ‘always at work (won’t be too clingy)’.
Then, as if Carter needed any more persuading, she listed all the testimonials including one from Channing Tatum which read ‘Wanted to ask her out but she’s way out of my league’.
Others included the New York Times, ‘your ex girlfriend’, and ‘Mom’, followed by some wonderful sepia snaps.
You can’t read this and not laugh. If I were Carter I would snap Lizzy up…
…But I’m not Carter, and he is equally hilarious to Lizzy, responding with ‘This is very nice. Please stop contacting me’.
If this were a dissertation, it would get a distinction. Even Microsoft commended her skills for gods sake!
I’m hoping that Carter has a change of heart and dates this sightly strange but undeniable legend.