Communicating with someone after a first date is tricky. Do you text them first? What do you even say? And should you give it a few days before you make contact?
Having the two golden qualities of being very shy and very awkward, I am perhaps exceptionally bad at this modern, complicated tech dance of flirtation. This is undoubtedly made all the worse by my use of words such as ‘tech dance’.
But even I know that the way to spark a real connection isn’t to wait for six months stewing in your own disgruntlement before emerging from the shadows to ‘roast’ the date in question.
However, this is the alarmingly misguided avenue one dater decided to pursue. Spoiler alert, the one that got away didn’t immediately leap back into his arms…
I regret to inform you that I have just been roasted to within an inch of my life by this man who bought me one meal in October 2018 and has apparently been seething ever since pic.twitter.com/5iQJdIzCGy
— Amy Bottrill (@bottrill) April 15, 2019
It had been six months since London based Amy Bottrill had been on a date with the gent in question, and she was no doubt surprised when she received the following message out of the blue:
Do you know how disrespectful it is to have someone take you out on a date, pay for everything, drop you home, then to never call or text that person back.
The message culminated with a shocked face emoji, as if the texter just could not believe the audacity of the person he had not spoken with for sixth months. A simple ‘how are you?’ would have sufficed.
Undoubtedly wearing an IRL shocked face of her own, Amy gave the following disbelieving reply:
Have you really been holding that grudge for nearly 6 months?
“dressed like you was attending a funeral of someone you didn’t like” is a devastatingly accurate description of my personal style; I wore a low cut black dress that had functioning poppers all the way down and 4 inch heels
— Amy Bottrill (@bottrill) April 15, 2019
In a bizarre attempt to look cool long after the cool horse had bolted, the man said:
Nope. Life is too short for grudges darling. However, don’t let that stop any reconciling you may have been considering.
Showing commendable restraint at this strange message, Amy replied:
I don’t get what this is about but I wasn’t disrespectful in any way, if you wanted to see me again you could have said… but that didn’t happen and I assumed we both didn’t feel much chemistry so I kept it moving.
Undeterred, the man insisted, ‘you’ve got making up to do Amy’ in the sort of tone rarely seen outside of parents’ evening reports. To this, Amy said, ‘I’m good!’
But the man would not let go of his grip and – after enquiring how she was – made the following bold declaration:
Blow the dust off my number
And be nice to me
It took alot [sic] for me to reach out to you after the way you behaved so you should be making much more of an effort right now.
1,000,000% confirmation you did the right thing at the end of that date.
— xyphophorus (@xyphophorus) April 15, 2019
"Life's too short to hold grudges" says the dude who has definitely been angry about it.
— CupofStea (@Stephen_Linton) April 15, 2019
After explaining she wasn’t interested, and then – unbelievably – being asked why, Amy put things very plainly:
Because we had 1 fairly awkward date and you didn’t seem to fancy me or want to see me again, now it’s nearly 6 months later and you think the way to get my interest/attention is by being hostile and entitled and calling me disrespectful? Nah I’m good thanks.
It was then that the date really cut loose, all niceties firmly tossed aside:
To be honest you came on our date dressed like you was attending a funeral, of someone you didn’t like… quite a contrast to the ways you were dressed in the sexually arousing pictures you were delighting me with prior.
Dressing for the funeral of someone you don't like is an entire aesthetic I didn't know I needed to aspire to but honestly, I have a shit ton of shopping to do now.
— The Disaster Ballet (@disasterballet) April 16, 2019
Oof. I’m partially colorblind and even I can see these red flags.
— Ben Bowlin (@BenBowlinHSW) April 16, 2019
The excruciating exchange went viral after Amy tweeted screenshots of the conversation, with plenty of people flabbergasted by how wrongly the man had gone about things.
Seriously, don’t let anyone harass or guilt trip you into going on a second date with them if you aren’t feeling it. Particularly if they are in serious need of a manners transplant…
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Jules studied English Literature with Creative Writing at Lancaster University before earning her masters in International Relations at Leiden University in The Netherlands (Hoi!). She then trained as a journalist through News Associates in Manchester. Jules has previously worked as a mental health blogger, copywriter and freelancer for various publications.