You Can Now Buy A Booty Pillow For Lonely Naps

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butt pillow@TheButtressPillow/YouTube

Ever looked at the standard pillow and thought, if only this was the shape of some thighs and a nice butt?

Me neither, but one American guy has found his crack in the market, and has introduced us to the ‘Buttress Pillow’, through a kickstarter campaign last year.

Three key advantages of the Buttress pillow, compared with an actual bottom, are advertised as: no maintenance, no mood swings, and no farts.

The trailer says:

Since the beginning of time man has desired the butt. So round, so soft, so bootylicious. The ancient human mission has always been to claim that booty.

However, this mission takes time, well-tailored texts, and Netflix, and so the eternal struggle goes on… until today.

Introducing the Buttress Pillow. Scientists have created a butt without the extra expensive maintenance, the incomprehensible mood changes, or the gas.

Soft, comfortable, all natural, it has surpassed 90 per cent of all human butts in both shape and function. On this historical day we mark the dawn of a new age, a time when everyone can feel the peace and happiness of butts – butts for all. Claim your booty.

Buttress pillow@TheButtressPillow/YouTube

You can get your hands on this ‘ergonomic’ and ‘bootyful’ pillow for a cushy $69, reduced from $89. Bargain!

They’re even selling a ‘Holiday Butt Box Set’ with 25 per cent off, plus bonus gifts (an ear-shaped sleeping bag perhaps).

On top of all that, it’s ‘all-natural’, made from premium natural latex harvested from the sap of tress, so won’t cause any irritation to your cheeks when they’re buried in it.

Butt shaped pillow@TheButtressPillow/YouTube

Explaining how the ‘buttress’ is great for all sleepers, the advert says:

The ‘sweet spot’ between the thighs and cheeks will gently cradle your head and support the neck. Great for side sleepers, back sleepers and stomach sleepers.

Squeezable, slappable and face buriable. Relieve the stress of a long day by coming home to the Buttress Pillow on your bed.

Legs are flexible and separate so you can dress up your Buttress with undies and PJ’s.

2019 is going to be weird…

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