They say you shouldn’t fight fire with fire, but it turns out you can shift the most difficult to remove, odious, obnoxious pieces of sh*t with another in the form of a Donald Trump toilet brush.
There’s nothing worse than leaving the former contents of your small intestine on display for your neighbours – except possibly child deportations, tax breaks for the rich, putting Second Amendment rights before the lives of tens of thousands of people on a yearly basis, this list could go on – so you need a real bigly solution to your bathroom worries.
That’s where the Commander in Crap Donald Trump toilet brush comes in handy, making bathrooms great again. Wow, with this you might actually drain the swamp. As opposed to filling it with more and more fecal matter, which seems to be the case in Washington.
These hand-made and incredibly accurate reconstructions of the 45th POTUS feature a Donald figure on the end of the handle – presumably not made in Russia – with a cute little blue suit, red tie and bushy blond hair, which you can style on the inside of your can.
Available on Etsy and worth every penny of the shipping costs from New Zealand, the seller writes:
Make Your Toilet Great Again! “No president has had a Toilet Brush like my Toilet Brush!” “I am automatically attracted to toilet bowls, I just start scrubbing, I just kiss, I don’t even wait and when your a toilet brush they let you do it.” DJT
I honestly have no idea what that last statement means. Ok, I do. You do too. Everyone is aware of that tape. Even the people who dispute its existence.
Anyway, back to the brush. Bad news is these things are incredibly popular and it’s a little too late for That Gift You Get Someone Who Has Everything.
Due to the overwhelming response on the popular market site the producers are now looking at 6-8 week arrival time on orders.
And, like Trump himself, these things don’t come cheap. But they’re handcrafted, so don’t be so tight. Each one will set you back NZ$35.70 (about £19) and shipping costs a further NZ$35.70.
Further info from the seller reads:
*15 inch Brush with Holder
*Trump hands actual size
*Trump may appear useful when scrubbing the rim
* For external use only
* ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES
“Just Grab them by the handle…for those tough cleaning jobs.” DJT
I’m going to gorge even more over Christmas so he’s got an extra tough job to get into in the New Year.
Order your Commander in Crap Donald Trump toilet brush here.
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Tim Horner is a sub-editor at UNILAD. He graduated with a BA Journalism from University College Falmouth before most his colleagues were born. A previous editor of adult mags, he now enjoys bringing the tone down in the viral news sector.