The following words are completely superfluous because the headline says it all, and when you take into consideration the old adage about pictures being worth things, my existence here really comes into question.
As a man, I can speak from my heart – and other various body parts – by saying we’re going through a tough time at the moment. Thousands of years of historical f*ckery towards women, and men come to think of it, are coming to a point of comeuppance. We can’t have a runny nose without it being belittled as #manflu.
So with a massive foreshadowing of ‘Whatever Floats Your Boat I Honestly Couldn’t Give A Sh*t’ comes the news men have been waiting for forever. You can buy lingerie from a site designed for men. Man bras. Wow.
ASOS, Marks and Sparks, Primark, you’d better watch your backs because us chaps are taking our cash elsewhere.
Is that where women buy their underwear? I’m not entirely sure. I haven’t bought a pair of pants since the last time Manchester United won the league. Maybe that’s why they haven’t won the league recently. Perhaps if I get myself some new boxers they’ll start to resemble a football team.
So should I decide to slip a G-string up my crack, HommeMystere are there to keep my meat and two veg sitting snuggly inside some male focused lingerie.
Nobody wants their knackers popping out the side of their pants like Simon in The Inbetweeneers when he did that fashion show, or when Alan Partridge got caught up in the phone cable that time.
And these guys are by no means amateurs at dressing guys in a more feminine way.
HomeMystere state on their site they’ve been in business for nine years, which at a rough estimate means they could’ve presented the idea on Dragons’ Den a while back and by now Deborah Meaden would be laughing all the way to the bank.
I’m going to treat myself to the Tracy Swimwear Brief, it’s got a proper beach vibe and my I’m not really a thong kind of guy. I’ll also pass this stock image from their site as me wearing it. Be rude not to.
Crippling debt, bad health, as if I didn’t have enough insecurities already, I can now add that I’d struggle to fill a man bra. Something I didn’t think I’d be worrying about when I woke up this morning. Thanks guys.
I expect a box of samples on my desk by Monday.
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Tim Horner is a sub-editor at UNILAD. He graduated with a BA Journalism from University College Falmouth before most his colleagues were born. A previous editor of adult mags, he now enjoys bringing the tone down in the viral news sector.