Turns out Pete Davidson’s penis is not quite as ‘grande’ as we have all been led to believe.
Long regarded to have the understated confidence of a man with ‘big d*ck energy’, the subject of Pete’s genitalia has been dissected in surprising detail.
His comfort with the world and with himself has always seemed to radiate a certain sort of satisfaction, without the constant need to show off too much.
And in the fateful summer of 2018, Pete’s then fiancée, Ariana Grande, appeared to settle the question once and for all. Pete had dong for days, and this legacy has since proved to be somewhat of an albatross around Pete’s neck, or rather his jeans…
It was June 22, 2018, and Pete and Ariana appeared to be still very much in love when a fan tweeted at Ariana with a simple – yet ultimately confusing – question:
How long is Pete ???
The fan quickly clarified:
OH AS IN THE INTERLUDE NOT AS IN… ANYWAY.
But it was too late. Ariana replied before reading the clarification, thus sealing Pete’s status as a trousersnake among comedians:
Like 10 inches?…. oh f*ck… I mean a little over a minute.
Ariana late deleted the tweet, but Pete’s penis proceeded to become one of the break out stars of 2018, sparking endless memes as the world collectively giggled.
this man literally posted on his insta story last year about him having big d*ck energy but when ariana said he did, he's playing victim? can y'all say hypocrisy 😭 pic.twitter.com/nYw6Cb08fF
— jeselle 💍 (@tynextjes) January 13, 2019
Isn’t he the same person that detailed one of their first few times having sex on a talk show and how he had to stop to get his inhaler? If he had a problem why would he go out and talk about their sex life lmao
— BlaineDaiki (@BlaineDaiki) January 14, 2019
As reported by People, the 25-year-old Saturday Night Live comedian spoke about his ex’s tendency to overshare while performing at Tarrytown Music Hall in New York.
Apparently a little disgruntled by what many would regard as a pretty solid compliment, Pete joked:
I don’t like that she talked all that shit for my penis. Everything is huge to her.
Why would she tell everyone that I have a huge penis? So that every girl who sees my dick for the rest of my life is disappointed.
Pete Davidson reveals that his mother, who is a school nurse, gets ‘bullied’ by students by singing Ariana Grande’s “thank u, next” in the hallways. pic.twitter.com/B8Bk1tXQoZ
— Pop Alarms 🚨 (@PopAlarms) January 14, 2019
pete davidson is really just dragging out this situation for attention now. where were the complaints about her talking about ur dick DURING the relationship? or during the time YOU were talking about her sexually on the breakfast club? 🙄
— 🦂 (@1800ANGELBABY) January 14, 2019
Pete has also reportedly spoke out about the Thank U, Next video, aka the dream movie montage all noughties era teen girls were waiting for, where his wang is once again given a shout out.
In one scene from the music video, the notoriously over-sharey Ariana is dressed up as ultimate Queen Bee Regina George from the deliriously quotable Mean Girls.
However, rather than containing nasty comments about the ‘fugly’ girls in her class and their appreciation for hot dogs, Ariana’s burn book was all about her exes.
On Pete’s page, one word in particular stood out; further cementing Pete’s reputation as a human racehorse: ‘HUUUUUGE’.
According to Elle, Pete made the following address to his audience during his New Year’s Eve comedy set in Boston:
Here’s the thing about the breakup song. Usually breakup songs you know who it’s about but you don’t really know. That G named all of us.
Bam. She named all of us. And then, tells us, yeah, he has a big d*ck.
Further updates on Pete Davidson’s penis will of course be given once we are – inevitably – given more information.
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